The Marvelous Not So Marvelous Me

How rude of me to never formally introduce myself to the people that contribute to me keeping my sanity by respecting my mind. Thank you guys for that by the way. I’ve been talking myself into being more transparent, which I’m still not completely comfortable with it. Yet in still I think knowing these “characteristics” about me would help you all who come across my reads understand me more. Shoutout to my favorite youtuber Sade Watkins for the encouragement of becoming transparent, I’ll link her social media here Instagram .

This is all how I feel about myself, what I know to be true about myself. My family probably doesn’t even know I feel the way I do about myself and if they choose to read this .. welllll HELLO.

  • Generalization of myself: I’d consider myself your average Introvert, ripleys. I am extremely distant, Solemn in a semi rude way, with a dark sense of humor and I happen to be passively selfish [due to self proclaimed entitlement of deserving to be selfish with all of me..after all I’ve worked hard to get somewhat comfortable with being  who I am.], I know I can do better than what I choose sometimes, I’m pretty careless when it comes the emotions of others, and I’ve developed this kind of narcissistic personality trait over the years, and I like to be left alone retrospectively. I think I’ll always have one up on others because these aren’t the best character traits yet and still I know they exist within me! Those who know me personally, don’t really know details about me, probably never will. It’s taken a lot to build up the energy for this persona you get to see & since I’m pretty closed off… I know what you’re thinking “if you’re so closed off why are you writing about yourself for us to read?” The answer to that is it’s easier to live url (on the internet) this isn’t face to face interaction but I am definitely aware it’s people observing me so why not give some clarification. Me on the internet happens to be me expressing myself/venting for the most part because the weight of thoughts can eventually weigh you down.

I’ve never been necessarily “likable” growing up because I happened to be into “alternative” lifestyle interests and since I got extraordinary grief because of that. As I grew I realized to be left alone I had to identify with those who picked at me, by disregarding things I loved and I regret that it everyday, but as a kid you don’t fully grasp the importance of being unapologetic. I decided to create a distraction in a clever fashion by still having a welcoming bubbly aura. For instance I’d never want a person to feel uncomfortable initially the idea is for you to be welcomed… in most cases because I just know how it feels to unwanted. Many also think I’m hilarious which I can’t disagree with but it helped pacify people from just simply bothering me kind of because they focused on my “funny” …which caused me to develop a lot of people being interested in me & not bothering me which I can say I appreciated. I figure all of this is the reason I’m very stuck in my ways and against conforming to unnecessary change. I had to teach myself that I’m something to be proud of regardless if some people don’t see me in such a way as I do, at least I’m true to myself.

For the most part, honestly, I’d like to believe that it’s not that I’m necessarily “nice” I just appreciate common courtesy. I know people go through their own trials and tribulations by themselves so they don’t need grief from let alone another person. Also since common courtesy is going extinct I’ve noticed people don’t even notice their admiration for me comes from not being unnecessarily rude…which is a lifestyle for many. 

“I don’t think I’m anything, I know I’m everything.” – Taryn

You can’t really insult me as a person. I’m aware that I’m capable of many things that are beneficial to another because I am indeed a great person. With that being said I’ve built much pride off of that so, never will I ever think I’m anything under the sun but everything I know I am that some people, if not everyone needs, should experience, or pay attention to.

I stay true to myself solely because after my time on this earth expires my character will keep on living…I don’t want to ever tarnish that.

I love to dance.

I feel like because I don’t honor the emotions of others I shouldn’t be emotional due to fairness.

I feel like my pretty is most beautiful when I’m flaunting my natural hair, or have my hair own twisted. I like my face and hairstyles alter the structure, sometimes.

I spend a lot of time thinking about myself to make sure I’m the person I’d like to meet, appreciate, or befriend.

My favorite era is the 70s!!! The early 70s was P Funk then transitioned to Disco in the late 70s, that’s so precious.

I feel like I’m the poster child of what an Aquarius should be, but I also hate the sign. we’re often misunderstood because we feel like we don’t have to explain ourselves + not revealing ourselves completely so people just never know with us therefore they assume so I try to be vocal.

I think it’s self centered for me to actually “celebrate” my birthday.

I’m learning to trust my creativity again after being shut down so many times trying to believe in your capabilities gets, discouraging.

I have very very high regard of the people in my life, I’m lucky to have them as much as they are lucky to have me.

Everything I write about has something to do with what I’ve learned in my on going lifetime. (I can give you the exact place/scenario where I came up with my logic for any post on my site.)

I’m an extremely forgetful person, I think it’s because my mind is always thinking of something else. One top of me also suppressing memories that don’t really bring me joy…unfavorable events.

I love photo albums.

I can’t care about things set in stone already because caring leads to stress and that’s undesirable especially if I can’t change what is bothering me, it is what it is.

I respect who respects me. Age gets you no passes just because you happen to have more experience than me doesn’t mean I don’t deserve as much respect as you.

I don’t know how to control my stress that comes after a misfortune, if something hurts me I just crash and give up momentarily sometimes for a longer duration than others. I’ve noticed my website happens to help me rebuild my momentum to keep on keeping on.

I hold grudges, I HOLD GRUDGES. Which really aren’t grudges I’m just not capable of being forgetful or forgiving simultaneously.

I like to purposely disagree with people & push them to their limits just to see where their mind is at and if they can back up their theories with true reasoning and not just because its ethical.

I laugh in serious situations.

I have taken a liking to conversing with strangers so I can be aware of different lifestyle  perspectives.

Every one of my post holds accuracy to deeper details of me, I practice everything I preach on here.

I believe it’s always a brighter side to things REGARDLESS.

I really love music! I relate my whole life through songs and movies, I don’t think that’s completely ideal but it brings me happyness and reassurance that I’m not the only one thinking in such a ways.

My social life is relatively forced so I don’t come across as an asshole to those that want to be spend time with me.

I admire the most minute things that people happen not to pay attention to, details.

I feel as if I’m a very unlucky person but that’s just the life I was chosen to live so I’m making the most of it.

I try to be understanding and all since I’m often misunderstood without being given the chance to back up my logic behind how I feel.

“If it wasn’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all” – Frank Gallaegher

And with all this self confidence, pride, and self love. I still feel like this post is EXTREMELY self centered even though it’s about me.. and will end up not serving it’s purpose. (although the deeper part of me I think it’s for the greater good and this is what I talk about when it comes to trusting myself)

Sidenote: If you happen to be reading this and know me personally or have gotten the chance to meet me, you can ask me how you play a role in my life and what I take from you as a person in general.

After rereading this to make sure it’s as good as it’s going to get I’ve realized that … I might just think I’m not important or of significant value since I’m just doing what I feel like everyone should do, and I get that others might think I am but their feelings towards me are almost not taken heed to since I’m the only one that knows myself. Depending solely on me for support in many aspects of my life I’ve established an understanding that I’m important alright, TO MYSELF independently! That’s what others consider self confidence even though I’m sincerely not confident at all. I’m inexperienced, lost within a realm of me, and to unapologetic to grow up “accordingly”. I care about myself because without me I’d lose everything I have but it’s not in any way necessary for others to feel how I feel about myself because I’m not …


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Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity

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