I will admit for the last several years I’ve been manipulative. I have always been aware my words are powerful and I’ve been using my abilities to be a passive evil, to myself. As I write this I will say because of this I’ve probably been my own “successful” obstacle for dedicating authentic time to do what I’ll be explaining. Instead of working towards pushing my heartfelt words for what they are.
Thankfully we live and we learn! And we learn as we live
So lets get to it!
I use the power of the tongue to…. wait. Manipulate is a Verb that means 1) “handle or control (a tool or mechanism) typically in a skillful manner. 2) “control or influence (a person) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously.”
I think people sometimes mistake manipulation for gratitude
I guess you could say I use both definitions for two different instances; milking the white “corporate” man of course [I encourage everybody to do that]
And…
That’s right. I will admit I use to manipulate conversations in order to get who I wanted and granted “don’t we” or really we all do, but I’m willing to admit I wasn’t doing it out of pure love. I don’t think anybody does it out of purity though, more often than not we are infatuated with the idea of [whatever] in regards to the other person to satisfy us and everything negates from there. A problem I had with myself is I am fully aware of this but I conditioned myself to be spoiled after I realized with effort I could sway the result of if someone navigated towards me. So will I say I was intentional with it? Not…at first, but shit it’s effective so of course why not do the honors of doing it again.
Do I regret it? Not at all. I have learned a lot of my fake romantic travesties have been brought on by myself.
With this crude idea of basic targeted communication I believe it spills over into the idea of being selfless. Selflessness is a sacrifice of self which isn’t entirely clever but love has the potential to taint, so whatever.
We dedicate ourselves to another willingly but not out of kindness when we are selfless! We do with entitlement, because in the back of our mind we’re owed something for being something as simple as “understanding” in order to be understood in the long run! It’s always an ulterior motive.
You can’t script a scripper baby!!
Now as far as friendships go, I do nothing of the sort, which is probably why they have by far lasted longer than my romantic instances.
But like I was saying that is manipulative, of me, and because I would feel so entitled to someone being in my life because I PUT IN ALL THIS UNSOLICITED EFFORT. I didn’t realize what I was doing until I eventually became too tired to keep up with my charades and could not understand why the other party in which I essentially set up wasn’t receptive to leaving me alone. In which I understand because I set them to be there, I created the convenience of me being there, how dare I take that away because I outgrew the maintenance or grew up in general.
On top of having the nerve to feel like they were usually ungrateful of my efforts on some “no matter what I do to assure their comfort, they always leave” type shit. Like honestly it’s well deserved for all the effort I went through to assure a position I made for myself unprovoked in addition to all things!
And you know this probably all starts from me loving to flatter people. I love to flirt, I like to chase, or use to at least because now I simply don’t care. But it has to be some kind of sweet talker complex that I have never cared to research. “The power of the tongue” they say.
How will I drop the habit?
I’m leaving people alone. I want to just mind my business for a year before I try to romantically co exist with someone else. Granted I was the one doing the most, I have also been treated in a distasteful manner and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to take the time to self reflect and trust intuition. In my case all my “effort”, manipulation, just was frivolous grand gesture. I’m sure this will be difficult for me since like I mention I am a chaser but it’s going to be good for me. I’ll be able to experience purity or shit even serenity, and I’m not going to have to work so hard because of intrigue. All the time I’ve dedicated to assuring people in my life I will give to my words and advancing my craft. I’m excited for that.
Well that’s all my good people! Until next time, Wishing everybody Peace x Joy x Prosperity, always. All ways.
XOXO – Aunty
LEARN AS YOU LIVE 