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I’m not forcing fandom onto anyone who couldn’t care less, I respect you.

Taryn

20

I don’t completely know why I love, let alone how I do. As I write I realize I love because I know how it feels to not have, experience, or feel love and knowing my love can be for someone to have, experience, or feel warms my heart it really does. I also know my love isn’t distributed evenly I LOVE the misunderstood, the bad, the unorthodox which is what the world seems not to appreciate. Love is love to me it should be unconditional and I mean that with no guilt. I can learn from what a person deems as ” bad”.. I want to know why it’s so bad it doesn’t “deserve” love of any sort and that teaches me how to give it in many different circumstances because I can understand. As I write some more I realize knowing what I love, my emotions, the appreciation for my love can all get taken away brings me comfort since I’m use to disappearance. “Love” I always liked the idea of “Love” in all aspects of life but never took the time to live it..watching “love” during my years of growth I noticed people aren’t sincere with it and that brings the shock value down, if you aren’t sincere with it leave it alone. Being aware I’m putting something so pure into the universe unconditionally for others at the sake of myself ,sometimes, leaves me satisfied. Which sums it all up as “I love because it can bring me pain I use as growth to become better; newer while knowing someone took what I willingly gave does something for me”. I love because truthfully love can be so Painful but having the power to know I also won’t become a victim of it if I do not see the purpose in doing so keeps me aware I’m in control of me.

It’s easy. To easy. It’s convenient, It captures authentic anger, It’s an easy way for me to express I feel disrespected. It can sometimes be a natural reaction, It’s easy… It’s … convenient.

I do not know

20:01 Culver City, California

I stress I was on the fence about being a fan of “XXXTENTACION” being a person that separates artist from art… their art is how they release themselves, I can’t really take that from someone, I couldn’t find myself to stop listening to his music. After I found out he was an Aquarius, born a day after me, I took the time to really go back and learn about the young man the best I could. Which gave me a lot of clarity on his actions, he was vocal about how his mind worked, and he had pride..therefore I found myself “understanding him instead of making judgement” and I don’t regret that.

When I first watched the video I watched it just to see this young man, then I watched it again to really watch it, then I watched it again because I couldn’t answer these question honestly in my own head..which is where I should be the most comfortable, then I watched it again to finish assuring I comprehended it , then I watched it again to make sure I saw what I seen and comprehended what I understood, and I did all this crying because I felt bad for myself and him. Jahseh, X, was able to capture the dark truth which is something I more than appreciate and it encouraged/encourages me to be honest. We all go through trials and people try to sugar coat their vices to avoid embarrassment and critique and sometimes that’s what we need. It took his mistakes to be publicized and him to be crucified for him to really understand that he might not have understood. Mass majority of the world didn’t acknowledge that, mass majority of the world does not look at anything as a butterfly effect as in; because of this it’s that; because of that there is this .. and that is like that because possibly! It’s more than one way to live, learn, and grow. His growth was cut short and it bothers me, honestly, I know I went thru different levels of growth, anger, isolation to be who I am right now & I’m not done. So to see his effort went unappreciated to some, many, which I can’t imagine how discouraging that could be because 1 single person can mess us up mentally and slow you down. Picture thousands if not millions of people reminding you that you can’t become better to assure the same mistakes stop reoccurring while trying to become the person they want you to be. All of this ties into me because I can relate to the theory of growing and becoming in touch with new perspectives and I had to learn that not everyone grows at the same time and if you arent willing to help someone who is willing to help themselves then you contribute to the problem.. XXXTENTACTION death showed me everyone has deep-rooted hate in them, well solidified the idea, and I’m here walking among these same people trying to assure myself it’s nothing wrong with me for being able to speak on MYSELF truthfully regarding the good, bad, and ugly while people are in denial about their own truths.

I’m not forcing fandom onto anyone who can couldn’t care less, I respect you I’m just displaying how I learn as I live. 

I’d love to know why you love and  why you hate. You can message me personally or comment

XOXO

LONG LIVE XXXTENTACION MAY HE REST IN PEACE

Let it go, Let it go

Post 5 

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

Let’s start off by saying y’all hear Lil Wayne but don’t listen to him, and that’s okay because his music has always been in my atmosphere for years and it’s also takes me years to catch some metaphors I’ve either never heard or just simply went over my head. 

Now tell them why you mad, son 

Cause doin it all ain’t enough 

Cause everyone’s all in my cup 

Cause such-and-such still owe me bucks 

So I got the right to get bucked 

But I try to not to let it build up 

I’m too high and too better too much 

So I gotta let it go, let it go, let it go

That’s his first words before his official verse on Solanges song “Mad” on her Album “A Seat At The Table” 

We must remember this man has been placed higher up in society since like 15 years old. Placed where you’re constantly judged, can’t necessarily be “care free” if it doesn’t fall into a category that fits your image, and maybe he’s tired but he has so many people looking up to him he feels as if he can’t take a break because we (the fans) can be selfish sometimes and think about our satisfaction before the well being of the artist, we start caring after it’s too late. 

Yeah, I got a lot to be mad about

Got a lot to be a man about, got a lot to pop a Xan about 

I used to rock hand me downs, now I rock standing crowds

But it’s hard when you only have fans around & no fam around 

And if they are then they hands are out 

And they pointing fingers when I wear this fuckin burden, On my back like a muthafuckin cap and gown 

Then I walk up in a bank pants saggin down 

Then I laugh at frowns like “what they mad about?” 

Cause here come this mutherfucker with a mass account 

That didn’t wear a cap and gown 

Are you made cause the judge didn’t give me more time ? 

Or when I attempted suicide and didn’t die ?

 I remember how mad I was on that day 

Man, but you gotta let it go before I get up in the way 

Let it go, let it go 

That’s a self reflection/confession over a beat & it wasn’t really grasped, why ? Because y’all don’t listen to him y’all just hear his voice & know it’s some super hot fire 99.9% of the time. 

• When I first heard that verse I replayed it then I replayed it again with the lyrics because I heard him but didn’t entirely comprehend what he was trying to say 

This man is alone & we know for a fact he’s going through something with his close friend but it gets disresgarded because it’s a new scandal everyday which is completely understandable. 

I watched The NightLine interview, the full thing NOT what’s just on twitter. I personally feel like his perspective wasn’t respected because it’s almost uncommon and when I say uncommon I mean people avoid saying their true thoughts because stuff like this happens because it’s not necessaryily agreeable so it’s “wrong”. In the beginning of the interview they give an entire description of “Lil Wayne’s Personality” so the fact they were so bewildered that he reacted in such a way is fraud to me. 

Then durning the interview he mentions his point of view on racism, I think he felt as if his music is strong enough to bring racist together because he has all kinds of fans so no he doesn’t on a first hand experience racism on top of the fact he doesn’t do through trials and tribulations that would cause him to investigate the meaning of a black lives mattering because to him it’s clear his life matters, people love him & he’s an African American man. That wasn’t rude to me that wasn’t ignorant to me that’s the truth to me, I rather him speak his mind and not be timid because he’s scared of the backlash, that’s courage.

He finally accepted this interview and expected it to be on his life, music, and whatever else he adores but like he said “I’m not a politician” so it’s like how we go from talking about me to something so controversial.
& As far as T.I goes I understand what he tried to do for his friend but you have to understand this man Lil Wayne doesn’t care about what people think so the fact his friend seemed like he was comforting the world instead of reaching out to him directly, yea the right reaction woulda been a “fuck you”…

Y’all bring up the fact he was on stage yelling black lives matter, but it’s “fraud” no it’s not he understands black lives matter but he can’t relate too it PERSONALLY, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t grasp the concept of it. 

This message was brought to you by …

& here I have for you some Gangsta Shit to listen too for all Real my Lil Weezy F Baby Fans 

Gangsta S**t – Lil Wayne