“What do you see when you see me?”

Before we start here’s some food for thought, Black Michael Jackson.. and White Michael Jackson were definitely conspiracy theories.

I am more than sure everybody wonders how they are perceived by “the people” whether you care or not, it’s a thought.

I’d say 70+ percent of those people are thinking appearance wise while the other percentile wonders “WHAT MAKES A PERSON NOT BELIEVE IN ME??? HOW DID I PRESENT MYSELF FOR A PERSON TO THINK I’M DUMB?”

This refers to any instance. (It often happens to me with friendships in particular.)

In my case I wonder why people insult my intelligence, question my character, or just do not believe in my capabilities of being a honest person generally.

I think people go out of their way to not pay attention to another persons sincerity. Or maybe they are just truly oblivious to the experiences.

I’ve also developed an understanding that not every one can reciprocate the love they are given because they aren’t use to it. So can I blame them for treating me the only way they know how to treat people? It’s a tough decision to decide if you’re willing to make it your “job” to prove yourself to people in honor of defending yourself when realistically they probably don’t even care. They’ve become accustom to how they’re living, how people treat them. In a way I feel bad for people who adjust to being treated so crappy, they can’t enjoy the people who see so much more in them than they see in themselves.

At the same time I’m also very aware of Sensibility and it is hard to believe some people do not posses the ability to use it one bit. It’s there regardless if you choose to not display emotion externally…it’s there.

Hopefully people start picking up on the sincerity of a person so the giver doesn’t become tired,discouraged, or just choose to change their demeanor in all.

Take pleasure in a persons care for you whether it lasts forever for not! Don’t let that kind of energy go to waste.

Experiences will either create a new person or new perspective.. not always for the greater good either.

Wishing everyone Peace, Joy, and Prosperity xoxo.

Featured Song: Brent Faiyaz – Insecure

You don’t love me like you use to 

Post 11

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

Accept the fact people are only going to generally like the idea of you let alone y’all together, once you’re realistic with that it’ll contribute to making life a little easier to live. 

The “bright” side to that is just know you’re indented in their mind forever. The potential love interest just goes around looking for you in someone else & when they think they found it best believe it’s not authentic so the outcome is disastrous. Even though it might hurt you to watch from a distance because your actually at peace enough to wish the other person the best of luck you can’t intervene. Yes it might hurt you to watch someone you once adore burn in flames but it is what it is. 

It took me years to understand “you love the idea of me”, the “idea” why would you like the idea of me and not the actual me being with you, you can have me but you rather dream of what we could’ve been, stupidity such as that I’ve accepted as “dodging a bullet” because in their head it’s okay and they don’t see how it doesn’t make any sense because they’re to busy being superficial. 

I respect it everybody lives differently, I’ll go ahead and give someone the benefit of doubt and say they’re looking out for me by not being greedy with my presence and leaving me emotionally distraught. Think of it as “Ideas turn into dreams until you move forward into making them reality” & without the actual you in the persons life that’ll never happen so they have no choice but to settle for a lesser value of a person. 

It’s never bad on your behalf because by the time you realize all of this your patiently waiting or them to get it together, I suppose most carry on with their life, because you see the potential together as a unit. The love was unconditional and sincere so it’ll always be something there whether it’s through a simple friendship or admiration from a distance. 

Live easy, the end. 

What people don’t tell you about loving yourself. 

My biggest fear is to love someone more than I love myself.

Once you adapt to loving yourself unconditionally you fall deeply in love with who you are. Even though that might just sound like the life to live you don’t realize how much of a box you place yourself in! You feel like people can never give you the love you give yourself, so what do you need them for? Which is extremely sensible but the unfortunate part is you cut developing a bond people short without knowing a potential outcome. You feel like “If you cause me stress I don’t cause myself why would I want you in my life.” I’ve come to grips with acknowledging how unrealistic that mind frame is due to the fact every relationship has its cloudy days. Yet and still, I’ll live.

When you love yourself you don’t look for validation of yourself in others! You aren’t exactly what people would call self-centered but you know what works for you and how your vibe flows. I’m not saying you feel like you’re better than the next person, it’s just all about self-respect. So much time has been invested into yourself you don’t have time to waste on anything not contributing to the bettering of you.

After a while you become okay with the fact you might just be single for the rest of your life because its like you can finish living carelessly when it comes to another persons feelings. BUT at least you have yourself. Oppose to living life with the mind frame of “what if” or simply settling for less because that’s what’s around at the moment. If you stay true to yourself you’ll always have a piece of mind to hold when in distress, the opinion of yourself is not compromised because you are fully aware of the truth.

For as many pros it is it’s also cons and they are all developed psychologically because you love you. When you love yourself you become overprotective you constantly remind yourself how much you owe yourself to always stay true to your own decisions. You hope people understand where you’re coming from even though you don’t care because in your head you know what you mean, you see the potential within yourself. Under the circumstances of no one besides yourself is any change involved knowing change could be great only in the process of overtime growth oppose to someone demanding a change to benefit them. 

Even though you know what’s wrong & what’s right your actions are souly to accommodate you & you become real unapologetic for it.  

Selfish or Selfless 

  • Aloof – (a•loof) Adjective, Not Friendly or Forthcoming; cool and distant.

“They were courteous but faintly aloof.”
An informal way to call someone aloof is “Standoffish”

I wonder are you born in such a solemn state of living or is it something you develop over time. From a personal stand point I definitely feel like I developed an unemotional lifestyle regarding things an average person would’ve consider sentimental from trials and tribulations such as Friendly Rejection or not having a close knit family, after repeated unacceptance from peers you start to keep to yourself & self reflect, resulting in bettering yourself. When your family isn’t typically “close” certain things just don’t bother you for instance … When Holidays come around I’m in a cool but distant state of mind since it’s only my mother, sister and an occasional cousin here and there, I love them everyday so my love doesn’t increase during the end of year, there is no reason. A con to this is you feel like everyone should relate to your lifestyle of not being emotionally attached all the time, and that’s the selfish perspective. For example I’m good for feeling like “If it doesn’t bother me it damn sure shouldn’t have bothered you” therefore I won’t necessarily care about the other persons feelings regarding the situation because it’s not a big deal theoretically. I also feel as if that characteristic makes me a more solid individual because my actions aren’t based on emotion but solely my personal preference when it comes to decision making.

  • Magnanimous – (Mag•nan•I•mous) Adjective, Vey Generous or forgiving, especially toward a rival or someone less powerful than ones self.

“Her magnanimous contributions to the art world.”

Selfless, hopeless but not regarding yourself, selfless because you cater to others. Someone’s presences can bring you so much happiness you never want to miss spending anytime with them. The love for someone/something takes all of you literally, you become more concerned on something that’s not you … you don’t know who you are anymore, but that’s fine! Selflessness can be beautiful because you aren’t looking for anything back it’s unconditional willingness but it’s also like “Are you even happy?” Internally. Which can be addressed later because it’s not about you, it’s about them. You can even want the best for someone more than they want it for themselves because you see the potential in them outside looking in not realizing all it is … is … potential. You’re living off hopes and dreams but you know dreams come so it’s all good.

How do you balance out two personas like that regarding a love life? How do you balance out the two personas when it comes to general living? Which one is worst?

Problems & Selfless – PND

Shihan- This type of love (Def Jam Poetry)

Value an opinion

Post 9

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

Opinion – o•pin•ion (noun) a view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
“I’m writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance.”

Let’s start off be clarifying that opinions are for conversations and facts are more essential in a debate. 

How are you supposed to broaden your horizons if you aren’t open minded? When I speak on open mindedness I’m not saying you have to accept everything you come across but it wouldn’t hurt to just try to understand willingly. I think that’s an important part of conversing with another individual, if you don’t understand that’s okay too many people are okay with giving clarification. I stress people should learn to agree to disagree! After a while an opinionated conversation can just go in circles followed by aggressive emotions because you feel like the other person doesn’t hear you when in actuality you guys aren’t listening to each other just searching for validation within the conversation while hearing voices.

What’s morally correct to me, due to how I was raised, may not be morally correct to another person. So who is more incorrect me or them? It’s so much you can learn from people if you were to just listen from all standpoints, if someone hurts you and you ask them to explain their actions (this is why the truth is so important) you hear THEIR logic behind what they did and why they did it. You as a person listening should take that perspective and apply it to life to assure you don’t commit the same “mistake”. It’s kind of like history in a sense, if you don’t acknowledge or go over it without a doubt it’ll repeat itself.

When I hear someone’s opinion even if I don’t necessarily agree with it, it’s still intriguing enough for me to further the conversation just because curiosity killed the cat. “If you knew better you would do better.” As valid as that statement is don’t use it if you think your way of thinking is the only logical way to come to a conclusion. Chances are you don’t know to much to be able to do any better than what you produce due to the fact your stuck in a, what we consider, oppressive state of mind.

What I’m trying to stress is, life is all about learning and as you grow older you’re supposed to become wiser. Theoretically you read books, keep going to school, or just learn from trial and error to keep knowledge flowing but what we forget about is how essential talking to people can be. Better yet! Think of it like this if you do something wouldn’t you want a person to hear you out right? Understand where you’re coming from without the harsh judgment or trying to correct your thinking process? Treat others the way you would like to be treated!

Friendly Rejection 

As years progress You can tell which friendships grow on you in positive and negative aspects. 

When I say friendly rejection I’m not talking about being “Friend Zoned”. I’m referring to the attempts of building bonds with people and you guys just don’t relate or they might not see the coolness you see in yourself. 

1. Weird – Suggesting something is supernatural; Uncanny. 

  • People use the term weird wrong all the time, just because someone doesn’t fit in with you appearance wise or morally doesn’t mean they’re “supernatural” just simply different that’s all. People see you dancing to the beat of your own drum and think you’re weird because you give off your own type of energy. I’ve been called weird all my life & I used to think it was so bad like “ew what the fuck, never” but I just realized it’s not bad at all I’m “Weird” and you’re “Regular” you are what we call predictable, I would be concerned if I was you, you have no Za Za Zu! I didn’t have that mindframe previously though so I spent like 2 years fixing myself appearance wise especially to fit in… to nothing ! I look back like WHAT THE FUCK was so important in copying people that didn’t even acknowledge the fact I tried to adapt to their way of living to be their friend, on top of the fact I have surpassed more than most of them in my life, anyways.

2. Annoying – causing irritation or annoyance. 

  • I was always the annoying friend from multiple aspects which is kind of intriguing. I was either annoying because I was to “mothering” but I mean I can’t help it if I want the best for you, I consider you … my friend. Then I would be annoying in an obnoxious manner but I always considered that as a form of mild, unaccepted, admiration meaning I love you, I want to be around you, you are cool to me! I LIKED YOU! Eventually you learn to back off no matter how much you either want to intervene because you know the person can do better than they are producing or be in someone’s presence because they make you sincerely happy. 

3. Independent – Free from outside control; not depending on another’s authority. 

  • When you are not easily influenced by others they stay away from you, and when you’re younger you wonder “what’s the problem? We can still be cool” but what you don’t realize is technically you’re no use to them if you aren’t  willing to be a test dummy, which is totally fine by me. “Stand up for whatever you believe in even if you’re standing alone.” & I put this to help justify the importance of you believing in yourself unapologetically, so make sure your well being mentally & physically are okay because you’re able to live at your own desired discretion. If someone can’t respect you as a person along with your mindframe you don’t need them in your life anyways. 

It took me a while to pay attention to this type of stuff because I had no choice but to enjoy the company of myself on many occasions, and with doing that it gives you time to simply self reflect and learn yourself. I appreciate the people who never cared to be my friend after a long struggle of me trying because it showed me to give everyone a chance UNLESS something that crosses the line happens then I can’t associate with you anymore, but that’s a given. It’s no telling how much someone wants you in their life and just because you don’t have too much in common I don’t think you should necessarily ignore them, hear them out have simple conversations… adapt a new way of thinking it’ll open your mind in a very positive way. 

Fashion makes the world go round

Post 8

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

You can dress any way you want to dress, there’s always Someone who’s going to like it along with the people who might feel it but wont give you your props then it’s the People who won’t respect your creative choices when cominbing pieces, those are the regular dressing people who rather see the world with no character because they have no character themselves, but don’t sweat it because eventually they’ll put on something and won’t feel to comfortable do to the fact they’ve teased others and that’s just life. I say this because I have experienced it myself (I happen not to be a complete Matcher as in I don’t dress following color coordination)  I have even said negative comments about someone’s attire & wondered why someone was able to walk out looking “ridiculous” then I realized it was self confidence they are self aware of who they are and want the world to see the self love via fabrics & colors. I feel as if fashion is one of the most disrespected self expressions in the world because everything was so structured previously so the fact so many years later it’s basically no preferred look is still not “normal” to others who aren’t use to change or open mindedness.

My biggest pet peeve is when someone who has no character feel as if they can talk down on someone else’s style preference, I believe even if you don’t like something it’s okay to have an opinion about it but DO NOT KNOCK IT. It might not seem like it but it’ll probably break the persons spirit 9 times out 10.

  • Don’t assume you know someone because of how they dress, clothes can be used to express anything from yourself to your feelings, I get approached many different ways because of how I dress, I try not to let it actually bother me, anymore, but it’s still a “what the fuck” type of vibe.
  • If you like it, please wear it, wear it with pride.
  • When you get dressed make sure you’re putting a smile on your face.
  • If you don’t feel like THE WHOLE WORLD NEEDS TO SEE YOU FIT, take it off.
  • Don’t be a yes man and have your friend out here looking unpresentable, it should be a little logic to it
  • You might just like to follow trends, but because of that do not think you’re better than anyone else because at the end of the you FOLLOW not lead by example, you seen someone else and was inspired.
  • Half of the world that disses fashion the most doesn’t know the difference between polyester, silk, and satin.
  • It’s a difference between Inspiration & blatantly copying unapologetically & that is rude.
  • Designer isn’t always important!!!

When people don’t acknowledge where they get an idea from, it’s okay to say “___ is an influence in my lifestyle” that’s all considered showing love, hating takes 5-15 years off a persons healthspan, do better!

Let it go, Let it go 

Post 5 

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

Let’s start off by saying y’all hear Lil Wayne but don’t listen to him, and that’s okay because his music has always been in my atmosphere for years and it’s also takes me years to catch some metaphors I’ve either never heard or just simply went over my head. 

Now tell them why you mad, son 

Cause doin it all ain’t enough 

Cause everyone’s all in my cup 

Cause such-and-such still owe me bucks 

So I got the right to get bucked 

But I try to not to let it build up 

I’m too high and too better too much 

So I gotta let it go, let it go, let it go

That’s his first words before his official verse on Solanges song “Mad” on her Album “A Seat At The Table” 

We must remember this man has been placed higher up in society since like 15 years old. Placed where you’re constantly judged, can’t necessarily be “care free” if it doesn’t fall into a category that fits your image, and maybe he’s tired but he has so many people looking up to him he feels as if he can’t take a break because we (the fans) can be selfish sometimes and think about our satisfaction before the well being of the artist, we start caring after it’s too late. 

Yeah, I got a lot to be mad about

Got a lot to be a man about, got a lot to pop a Xan about 

I used to rock hand me downs, now I rock standing crowds

But it’s hard when you only have fans around & no fam around 

And if they are then they hands are out 

And they pointing fingers when I wear this fuckin burden, On my back like a muthafuckin cap and gown 

Then I walk up in a bank pants saggin down 

Then I laugh at frowns like “what they mad about?” 

Cause here come this mutherfucker with a mass account 

That didn’t wear a cap and gown 

Are you made cause the judge didn’t give me more time ? 

Or when I attempted suicide and didn’t die ?

 I remember how mad I was on that day 

Man, but you gotta let it go before I get up in the way 

Let it go, let it go 

That’s a self reflection/confession over a beat & it wasn’t really grasped, why ? Because y’all don’t listen to him y’all just hear his voice & know it’s some super hot fire 99.9% of the time. 

  • When I first heard that verse I replayed it then I replayed it again with the lyrics because I heard him but didn’t entirely comprehend what he was trying to say 

This man is alone & we know for a fact he’s going through something with his close friend but it gets disresgarded because it’s a new scandal everyday which is completely understandable. 

I watched The NightLine interview, the full thing NOT what’s just on twitter. I personally feel like his perspective wasn’t respected because it’s almost uncommon and when I say uncommon I mean people avoid saying their true thoughts because stuff like this happens because it’s not necessaryily agreeable so it’s “wrong”. In the beginning of the interview they give an entire description of “Lil Wayne’s Personality” so the fact they were so bewildered that he reacted in such a way is fraud to me. 

Then durning the interview he mentions his point of view on racism, I think he felt as if his music is strong enough to bring racist together because he has all kinds of fans so no he doesn’t on a first hand experience racism on top of the fact he doesn’t do through trials and tribulations that would cause him to investigate the meaning of a black lives mattering because to him it’s clear his life matters, people love him & he’s an African American man. That wasn’t rude to me that wasn’t ignorant to me that’s the truth to me, I rather him speak his mind and not be timid because he’s scared of the backlash, that’s courage.

He finally accepted this interview and expected it to be on his life, music, and whatever else he adores but like he said “I’m not a politician” so it’s like how we go from talking about me to something so controversial.
& As far as T.I goes I understand what he tried to do for his friend but you have to understand this man Lil Wayne doesn’t care about what people think so the fact his friend seemed like he was comforting the world instead of reaching out to him directly, yea the right reaction woulda been a “fuck you”…

Y’all bring up the fact he was on stage yelling black lives matter, but it’s “fraud” no it’s not he understands black lives matter but he can’t relate too it PERSONALLY, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t grasp the concept of it. 

This message was brought to you by …

& here I have for you some Gangsta Shit to listen too for all Real my Lil Weezy F Baby Fans 

Gangsta S**t – Lil Wayne