Short Sermon: An Eye for An Eye

People who fuck over the ones who love them often have a hard time accepting love in the long run due to the fact THEY’VE watered down what it means to love someone.

Love holds no significance to them anymore.

Essentially they are simply just avoiding their own karma afraid that what they once done to someone else can now be done to them. They can’t trust anyone because they took the trust people had for them and used it maliciously.

Aside from stunting the growth and finally enjoying the feelings of falling in love or being in love. After given enough thought, if you’ve ever loved someone so much and had it actually sincerely reciprocated, whether it be a friend or lover.. you realize these kind of people probably will never experience that genuineness. To live a life where the people YOU choose to have around you, you can’t trust therefore causing you to settle in suppressed emotions such as anxiousness, worry, and lack there of is a life I can’t imagine. Especially regarding with my friends.

The question is, how do you prove to someone as such that you love them without overstepping what it is to love into manipulation due to the fact that they’re the ones scared of being love?

Wishing everybody much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity! All ways, Always.

To whom, to those, to all! For what!

Being “misunderstood” plus unwilling to compromise I wonder do I still serve my purpose. I believe I was created to rebuild the mind of! I’ll sacrifice myself on behalf of producing a new mind, outlook on life, anything. I’m willing to give since I know the take will forever stand in the way of your thoughts.

I don’t recommend this to everyone, I’m okay because I can rebuild myself, when I what you can say “destroy” myself in a sense. In this process I also learn the reasons and motives of others making me be more understanding overall therefore the next person I come across can also gain a new level of mental/emotional, understanding.

I’m not sure why I feel the need to make this my responsibility, I take that back. I do this because it’s a lack of open-mess worldwide so if I can stress the aspects of difference being perfectly fine it’s the least I can do. It’s a way of helping develop the process of “understanding” become easier.

Trial and error taught me most of, as in 60% including my mother & sister being open with their trial and errors to go off of boosting it to probably 87%, not everyone is able to make mistakes.. openly. Let alone be okay with making a mistake and having the time to actually learn something from it. So the fact I can take advantage of that on behalf of those not able to you begin to think of it like you’re just doing a favor.

Now The mind is so complex even when people “think” they’ve disregarded what I’ve done keyword being WILLINGLY they go back on it trying to make it not make sense… essentially just making it make sense but not admitting it.. or at least admitting it openly. Which is fine. I don’t do it for notoriety but I figured out the discrepancy on why some people don’t favor me.

& With all the good comes the bad.

Unfortunately my biggest pet peeve when doing all this is some people are just unperceptive and it’s sad. I understood it’s the concept of being guarded. Being so closed off in order to “protect” yourself can eventually be equivalent to looking out a window with your eyes closed. You miss out on everything and just reiterate the idea of being scared of… whatever. All this is fine by the way I’m not here to tell you it’s wrong but to STRESS you can use me, whether it be in secret, bi-weekly, everyday. As a bit of “guidance” in many aspects of life as I continue learning as I live.

& all this applies to anything. I’m speaking on behalf of dealing with others for the most part.

I wonder does all that get overshadowed because of who I am and how I choose to be…

Embracing Yourself, Learning Yourself

I really do not have “advice” at this time just perspective

I’m doing what I do to the best I can.

I love myself, I’m not completely sure why yet, like I’m aware of my wonderful character.

Am I sure truly sure of myself?

Am I sincerely embracing myself If I’m still worried about how others, will, perceive me?

I wouldn’t say I second guess myself for validation from others but for their comfort. Whenever

I consider “what if they don’t like me?” often enough to reconsider how I express myself, how I go about my appearance, or even just reconsidering my choices for the comfort of others. I’ve noticed that no one ever notices or says thank you. “Thank you for restructuring yourself to make sure i’m comfortable even though you might not be.” Conflicted often because I don’t necessarily care about how a person perceives me, especially if they don’t ask clarifying questions straight from the source(me), but also realizing maybe I care to much about myself caring about if I care about how a person perceives me at all. Maybe the problem is people don’t see me how I see myself and that’s deeper than any appearance discrepancy. They don’t see what I have to offer to the world as an individual & the fact how I choose to present myself for myself can detour what others think of me might actually be what bothers me. Single handed appearance and character are intertwined invalidly because you look like “this” you must feel as “that” and that’s usually never the case. It bothers me that a person might not give me a chance regarding anything because I might not meet their idea of attractiveness or express myself through my appearance correctly to them. It’s hard finding balance for something you don’t even feel the need to balance. It’s even harder having to always prove yourself that you are what you know you are but people just refuse to see it.

My overall conclusion is I just have to steady remind myself that not everybody is going to like all aspects of me and that’s fine. Those who don’t but still desire to see the good in me I’ll always appreciate. Those who love me unconditionally forever I love back but regardless of any feelings towards me I must stay true to me.

Now I’m living.

Connections.

Post 18

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity

“My drawings represent how we fear things that are foreigner to us. I drew the full body without skin because it’s kinda like we have to peel ourselves back to see what’s there.” FTOT: @Solosherrell

We learn a little something something from everybody.

Whether it’s good, bad, or ugly it creates a learning experience that connects you and that person together for the rest of your lifetime.

or at least I like to think so…

Maybe it’s just my optimism that makes me think in such a way but I can’t say it doesn’t help me when it comes to becoming resentful in certain instances.

  • The Ugly: is usually unasked for truths. Overall you should always respect that the truth that was brought to you and especially told to you because that means they trusted you in some way. Just think of it as the lemons before we make lemonade. We either learn how to adapt or just take into consideration and move forward even though it’s not initially. what we thought independently.
  • The Good: is copacetic behavior easy going living you find captivating and incorporate into your own lifestyle.
  • The Bad: my personal favorite, is anything unfavorable to you. I say it’s my favorite because it usually is the real teacher you get a new concept of a person. You get to experience how the butterfly effect works; because of this, a persons does this, causing you to do that. It lets who you know how to respect different kinds of individuals in a sense without the hate.
“This one is symbolizing a damaged person that is happy” FTOT: @Solosherrell

Because of how the brain works regarding memory, when you grasp all this stuff and go to use it you trigger where you learned it from. So therefore if you picked up something from another person you will always refer back to them or the experience whether you’re fond of it or not. A great example is how we pick up speech patterns from another person. Like I stated previously you learn something in every instance it’s just up to you to consider them lessons and take what you can from it.

P.S Don’t take stuff so personal UNLESS! You’re for certain something was done with cruel intentions , somethings’ are just bad habits we develop overtime, we all have one.. maybe some.

The cover is from the movie “Extremely loud and incredibly close”

The importance of experiencing how it feels to be alone.

Post 17

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity

You may call it loneliness but I see it as “Developing Independence”.

I use to think it was kind of pathetic that I didn’t experience the whole dating in middle school or throughout high school but I think I saved myself a lot of grief. I became okay with the possibility of me being alone because it was all I was use to. Now that I’m out of school, adulting, I notice how many people have ridiculous self esteem issues due to premature relationships BECAUSE they became dependent of another person assuring them they were of a certain standard and without that person they don’t know exactly who they are as an individual.

Individuality is 1a. Total character peculiar to and distinguishing an individual from others. b) personality

When I say “relationships” I’m not only speaking romantically, this also applies to the friendly. People have become accustom to trading the loyalty to themselves for popularity, how heart wrenching is that? To make up for that lack of self love they rather surround themselves around miscellaneous people instead figuring it out through the strength of themselves solely.

Being able to not depend on perfection for personal satisfaction did me a great justice. I know who I am without the persistent presence of particular individuals. Since I’m sure of myself, for the most part, no one can ever discredit me for being “bad” unless it is myself so I’ll never take offense to any opinionated nonsense about myself ever. I don’t find myself questioning my existence because I fully aware of who I’ll always be, or am becoming.

I figure the folks who still feel lonely even with a person or group are still oblivious to themselves so even though they’re around people… the people they choose to be around could possibly just be a poor choice in character. Yet who would necessarily know better if you don’t know what you desire for yourself, yourself.

Enjoying your alone time allows you to learn about yourself. Only making it easier for you to grasp what you deserve from people. Right now I’ve noticed a great few standing for nothing; which happens to be them as an person lacking self love, meaning they lack a reason to be prideful. Which means they’ll also fall for anything; referring to letting people in your life who aren’t deserving of them.

After you go through this phase of trial and error while “finding yourself” you just learn to appreciate yourself more with reason besides what you do for others.

It’s not a bad thing to be alone for a period of time, I feel like everyone should enjoy the time to themselves. People don’t really know how to appreciate their alone time without having a pity party with themselves because being alone is looked at as something being wrong, it’s nothing wrong with being or becoming back in tune with yourself.

Sidenote: Stop doing stuff for people and expecting them to like, admire, or love you for it so it can justify you being a good person. For one nobody cares unless they want to and secondly you do nice things because it’s good to be a kind person NOT for notoriety.

Wishing Peace, Joy, Prosperity, or whatever your in need of at this time to all of you.

xoxo

Enjoy this song + visual “Loner” by Kali Uchis

“What do you see when you see me?”

Before we start here’s some food for thought, Black Michael Jackson.. and White Michael Jackson were definitely conspiracy theories.

I am more than sure everybody wonders how they are perceived by “the people” whether you care or not, it’s a thought.

I’d say 70+ percent of those people are thinking appearance wise while the other percentile wonders “WHAT MAKES A PERSON NOT BELIEVE IN ME??? HOW DID I PRESENT MYSELF FOR A PERSON TO THINK I’M DUMB?”

This refers to any instance. (It often happens to me with friendships in particular.)

In my case I wonder why people insult my intelligence, question my character, or just do not believe in my capabilities of being a honest person generally.

I think people go out of their way to not pay attention to another persons sincerity. Or maybe they are just truly oblivious to the experiences.

I’ve also developed an understanding that not every one can reciprocate the love they are given because they aren’t use to it. So can I blame them for treating me the only way they know how to treat people? It’s a tough decision to decide if you’re willing to make it your “job” to prove yourself to people in honor of defending yourself when realistically they probably don’t even care. They’ve become accustom to how they’re living, how people treat them. In a way I feel bad for people who adjust to being treated so crappy, they can’t enjoy the people who see so much more in them than they see in themselves.

At the same time I’m also very aware of Sensibility and it is hard to believe some people do not posses the ability to use it one bit. It’s there regardless if you choose to not display emotion externally…it’s there.

Hopefully people start picking up on the sincerity of a person so the giver doesn’t become tired,discouraged, or just choose to change their demeanor in all.

Take pleasure in a persons care for you whether it lasts forever for not! Don’t let that kind of energy go to waste.

Experiences will either create a new person or new perspective.. not always for the greater good either.

Wishing everyone Peace, Joy, and Prosperity xoxo.

Featured Song: Brent Faiyaz – Insecure

Friends

I was never fond of the whole “Birds of a Feather Flock Together” theory because mentally I knew even though I was hanging out with these particular people it was a disconnect intellectually (especially as I got to know them) therefore they’d never be able to relate, to me in general. The relation between such individuals and I were never, um, similar for me to feel like I’d want to be like/do as them SINCERELY. So the “flocking together part…was irrelevant. Let alone my high regards of what being a friend actually meant to me.

It irritates me how passively the word friend is tossed around so frivolously. It has loss a lot of feeling, what is a “friend”? Friendships kind of carry a negative connotation only because the betrayal is easier to publicize since everybody can relate to it, unfortunately.

I still don’t know if I take my friendships so seriously because they fill the void of not having a connection with my relatives.. and if that is really the case maybe I shouldn’t apply such pressure, pressure as in they should do any wrong to me.. EVER. Then again my personal family conflictions really have nothing to do with a person that was initially a stranger treating me “better” in many aspects than my own biological relatives will. I respect that and it will always have my high regards so I’m for certain they can do better than what they might do that would cause a conflict between our friends, if you catch my drift.

Now that I am “of age” I’m what you can say proud… that the people I surround myself with think as highly of me as I think of them. I’m lucky for many reasons but what I don’t acknowledge often are my friendships, I know some of the coolest people from having talents to great personalities. My friendships revolve around kind things resembling Fondness, Support, Honesty, and Loyalty. Not everyone gets to develop those kind of bonds with people and keep them on going as years progress.

So basically what I’m getting at is The Birds I’m flocking these days I’m very fond of. I’ve gotten to know with some of the kindest people spirits.

It makes me wonder if it’s not the lack of family or maybe its how I carry myself. I believe you are what you attract applies to many things and… if I am able to attract people who have such unique characteristics I’m something special because these people are extremely special to me. It helps a lot knowing you have people that look forward to you regardless of how you feel about yourself independently, I feel like people don’t value that kind of flattery.

I feel like the word “Friend” which is a noun meaning 1. A person whom one knows and with whom one has a BOND of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.  is used where the word “Acquaintance”,  which is a noun meaning 1. A person’s knowledge or experience of something. 2. A person one knows SLIGHTLY but who is not a CLOSE friend, often fits.

Big Ups to my friends for supporting me as a whole from every idea I have to my lifestyle choices. You learn things such as forgiveness, rationality, or how to deal with sensitivity  from different perspectives and I’m very thankful for that.

Side note: Don’t be afraid to let your friends know you love them and shit sometimes.

The featured photo is from the sitcom “Friends”

!Wishing everyone Peace, Joy, and Porosity always XOXO!

Surprise Song, Enjoy It