Successful, Single, and Sad.
Those are the three S’s we will be going over today [I just wanted to approach this humorously dramatic]. Although in all seriousness those are the bases of this post today.
I’ve become one with the idea I’ll be single for life, I know I established this already, but it was still a smidgen of hope that wouldn’t be the case as someone who is willing. I am writing today to say I take back my smidgen! I’m truly no longer “hopeful”, never really was looking either for that matter anyways.
For starters, I think I should establish that I don’t believe in marriage and I don’t find having children to be a necessity. So my outlook on my life is not only a tad bit selfish but bias.
Now that that’s out of the way.. I’ve noticed that my ability to be busy seems to be almost like a turn off to most. I’m finding it to be the most peculiar thing as well. But hear me out… stability, having my own, just doing for myself will always be more important than a “relationship” to me. I’m more important than a relationship to me, technically. Obviously. I’ve figured if the person isn’t as busy as me it just won’t work essentially.
Then it’s the aspect of nobody ever really stays long enough anyways… so… would you say I jeopardize all potential relationships by friendzoning? Now if I did I’d clarify by saying… my friends be in my life forever, so if I like you in my life of course you’re going to be my friend because my friends don’t leave. Terrible yet logical habit. IF! I had to say this hypothetically in regards of myself. Truth be told I prioritize my friends more anyways so if we’re being totally honest here [laughs out loud] being my friend is the best bet.
Aside from all that you ask yourself “Maybe I just haven’t met someone I’d desire to make time for” but like bbymutha said “catching dick and missing money, missing money catching dick” [janis ian dyke] it’s all pretty frivolous and irrelevant to me since my success and independence determines my availability to feel comfortable enough to not focus on maintaining and elevating my comfort. And to be honest if you aren’t helping me do that you must obviously not care about me like you think I should feel anyways because helping me would help you. … wow that sounds selfish. It’s my truth though so I won’t take it personally.
All in all I’ve come to the conclusion! [where is my drumroll????]
I think I lowkey suck. It’s sad but I’m not remorseful about it either. I won’t dwell on it because I don’t see myself working on it since being bound 2 isn’t really a priority to me anyways!
Question: I wonder how many adults feel such a way and how has it effected their love life. I feel like I’ve talked about this before but I can’t remember and like I mention I never really go read my old blog post again.
I just said to myself “I can love later” but when is later? What if I never obtain the level of comfort I desire to enjoy and miss out on love? I like the idea of love but I don’t like the idea of being slowed down by codependency. I always felt drake in my soul when he said “relationships slowing me down they slow down the vision, guess I’m not in the position to deal with commitment.” [redemption]
Wishing everybody Peace x Joy x Prosperity Always, All ways! Talk To Y’all Later. – Aunty