I’m unamused, unimpressed, and uninterested with my space.
I can only influence and or inspire myself so much.
I want to elevate so badly in so many instances/aspects but I’m aware I am lacking something that’s causing me not to know how. So in the meantime I’ve just been floating and not focused while trying to gather inspiration from, unfortunately that has been resulting in my silence because I have nothing to say since I can’t even comprehend the feelings of much of nothing along with what life means at this time for me. The irritation gathered from all of this is draining also but fortunately even if it’s empty ideas I figure I keep spit balling them in the hopes everything will start flowing, again, although I don’t know what happens to be.
I’ve outgrown (or I’m more so in the process of outgrowing) myself and I appreciate that but I’ve realized I don’t know how to be in control of what I want and the funny thing about that is as I write this I’ve come to the conclusion that’s probably the point. To let life. I can’t explain the emptiness I’m feeling it’s in no regards of creativity either I know it’s a transition though, to transcend whatever that means it sounds like it goes with what I’m saying though. I suppose I’m supposed to be learning something right now yet I’m so focused on what I’m not doing/feeling I can’t enjoy the process I’m being put through having time to “learn”, realize, rationalize, and or discover to help me create as I do nothing because I’m ANXIOUS … to execute.
I assume I shouldn’t shut myself down but since I write on what I know & feel if I’ve given all the knowledge I have gained in this lifetime of mine at this time… I have nothing to enlighten you with, If I feel no ways so it’s nothing to talk about resulting in nothing at all and I’m better than that. So you see how I grow irritated with the process. I feel free and pointless at the same time and I’m so okay with it the flow of, “nothing”, I’m comfortably uncomfortable with the fact I’m not learning when in fact I’m just simply living.
As I reread this I also figure this process is scary to me since I’ve come to the current end of and I’m on my way to my next journey of what just might be content expansion but I’m so focused on my purpose not being fulfilled without my satisfaction when really I need not forget It’s still more to come.