I’m Doing Fine.

I’ve officially outgrown my desire for likes and all that superficial shit because what I put into the world is timeless, it’s enjoyed by those who need to experience it. And that itself I’m thankful for.

I find myself stumbling across opportunities to work with and become friends with people who once inspired me, and that’s because of me as a person and my persistence. I feel like that’s enough honestly because I’m proud they see what they’ve contributed to. Especially while I feel like you can say I’m a “nobody” if you solely base my online presence over my ability to preform, which I understand if you do.

All in all I’m being recognized, acknowledged, and appreciated behind closed doors for sure, in the very least, which is fine by me.

It’s a bigger everything to every action and I’m no longer eager to be what the world deems “successful” because I’ve successfully figured out how to allow my words, art, + everything else to co-exist in the world without expectation, which has humbled my disappointment and feeling of being “disregard”.

I’m chilling. I’m growing up. I’m learning. I still feel like I’m great but just don’t know what I’m doing, but I do know Ima be alright. I’m no longer splitting my attention and dedication with “seeking”— resulting in throwing off my ability to be focused on what I, can, do! I’m excited and underwhelmed. I’m proud of me.

Like I say “I don’t think I’m anything, I know I’m everything. And everything isn’t meant for everybody” that’s the truth. It’s okay. It was a tweet (if I can find it I’ll link it) but it said something along the lines of “you become disconnected when you look at your talents as a commodity that’s not paying off.” And now that I’ve gotten over that… I feel more certain about what I’m doing and can’t wait to do more instead of feeling like I’m failing, I’m doing fine.

I feel back to normal, when I started all this I did it to get my feelings off mainly. I wanted to be open about not know, being wrong, and whatever else that comes with life and somewhere along the journey of just talking on the internet I got greedy. The society I was battling I joined forces with unintentionally and let it slow me down. And I had the nerve to allow it to make me question what I know best about myself. Being that I can write!!

Talk to y’all later! Wishing everybody Peace x Joy x Prosperity always, all ways – Aunty

xoxo

Short Sermon: Growth is inevitable

Growth is inevitable.

Changes must occur in order for you to learn and gain perspective for different walks of life but essentially it’s up to you to determine what you’re going to do with the knowledge placed upon you. Growing pains are what I consider to be necessary unfortunate realities, events, or circumstances that create resistance. Or what we also look at as resistance because they benefit in discomfort or self destruction, of course we all make mistakes. A mistake is a verb meaning many things but one being “to blunder in the choice of” and in regards of these particular lifetimes we live because we’re always evolving. As in at a certain time in life you THOUGHT in favor of! Encouraging you to make what turned out to be a poor choice but look at it as an opportunity to start over new in present time by not making that same mistake again, also known as growth.

Wishing everyone much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity. Always. All ways

No main bitch formed against me shall prosper

I owe myself loyalty.

Being in my 20s along with dealing with young men in their 20s, as in grown, their loyalty is not my responsibility or sole concern.

It’s not my job to make sure your love treats you respectfully especially if I don’t even know you or I’m not your friend.

The frustration is always taken out on the “side” bit- which should be least of anyone’s worries. The question isn’t “well how did she entice him?” Yet why he felt and decided to participate in stepping out of his relationship with all disregards of his partner.

I also feel like if you get stepped out on it’s right to be emotionally disturbed but to dwell on it even after being “forgiving” of the situation(s) is pointless when the answer to resolve it would simply be removing yourself from the relationship all together. Instead people want to feel as if they are an necessity when in all actuality we don’t jeopardize things we “NEED” deeming you a want but not necessarily a need which I can see as shocking.

Your disappointment, which gets projected as micro-aggression, shouldn’t be towards a person that probably didn’t even know you existed or! Doesn’t even look at you as someone of importance to the point they wouldn’t want to disappoint you. (that person being the side bitch)

In regards to the women who purse men in relationships, I have no words for them. You’re lovers loyalty still doesn’t have anything to do with them. Overall I’m referring to the women who don’t get the entire truth about a persons relationship status, or don’t find it to be their job to cosplay inspector gadget to assure their love interest isn’t in a relationship and cheating.

Ultimately if a person has a plan to cheat they’re going to follow correct procedures to do so anyways.

No matter how you spin  the situation it’s never the cheatee’s fault.

Ex: If I know a man is in a relationship, I purse him, he doesn’t stop me in my tracks and shut everything down then that’s on him. He’s the only one to take accountability that he didn’t stay true to his partner regardless of intent.

Short Sermon: An Eye for An Eye

People who fuck over the ones who love them often have a hard time accepting love in the long run due to the fact THEY’VE watered down what it means to love someone.

Love holds no significance to them anymore.

Essentially they are simply just avoiding their own karma afraid that what they once done to someone else can now be done to them. They can’t trust anyone because they took the trust people had for them and used it maliciously.

Aside from stunting the growth and finally enjoying the feelings of falling in love or being in love. After given enough thought, if you’ve ever loved someone so much and had it actually sincerely reciprocated, whether it be a friend or lover.. you realize these kind of people probably will never experience that genuineness. To live a life where the people YOU choose to have around you, you can’t trust therefore causing you to settle in suppressed emotions such as anxiousness, worry, and lack there of is a life I can’t imagine. Especially regarding with my friends.

The question is, how do you prove to someone as such that you love them without overstepping what it is to love into manipulation due to the fact that they’re the ones scared of being love?

Wishing everybody much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity! All ways, Always.

To match or Not to match

“Match their energy…” “We’re matching energy.” “I’m just going to match their energy.”

Why? Why do we have this idea that we must lower ourselves to prove..what? What is the significance in putting your character to the side in order to prove something to someone that does even equate to you, contribute any good to you, or most likely doesn’t even care about you, and will confuse you reflecting them to you simply “tripping” because if they did it wouldn’t be necessary to match their “energy”.

I’ve never heard anyone say they were going to match the energy of someone with a positive narrative behind it instead of fighting fire with fire.

I assume it’s the same as “treating others the way you’d like to be treated” but maybe not, see I associate that with common courtesy. Where else “Energy” is something much more sacred, sincere, something you ought of protect in a sense.

When we sacrifice ourselves like that we don’t notice how not only is it essentially a waste of time but also how vulnerable we are. We willingly ruin ourselves in the hopes the person, a person, who happens to not have “soul” themselves get its. Which leaves us disheveled because in a sense we lose ourselves on accident and can’t grasp that it was never anything wrong with us but the problem is them, only to turn into them since we don’t feel appreciated. It’s the little things that are able to create a domino effect of trauma. Point is just remember you can’t feel for a person that doesn’t feel themselves.

May the hurt we experience allow us to grow wiser, wishing everyone much Peace x Joy x Prosperity

xoxo

THE COVER IS FROM THE MOVIE “HOW HIGH”

Regression = Progression

Regression! Sometimes you must backtrack to find depth in what went wrong, what feels incorrect, what the next step is. It’s okay to go back to what you know, don’t feel “guilty”. We know ourselves the best, we know the details of our life that shaped us to be who we’ve become, the feelings we push into oblivion, the wants, and everything else.

Periodically we progress so much we lose touch of what would be the next step in our life. That makes us feel uncomfortable, temporarily, due to confusion. What we once knew is now unfamiliar and while we’re stuck in the realm of ourselves we just don’t know.

We get to a point of finding ourselves going back to what started us, out of boredom or even in remembrance, to inspire us to move in the what would be “correct” direction.

In the game of monopoly (in theory) we go around the same board.. however many times just to essentially better ourselves. So if you feel like old versions of you can contribute to a better you, don’t question it.

By all this I mean everything is a butterfly effect as I say often. So in The trickling down of each situation, memory, or feelings you used as a lesson can be recycled to validate other lessons. It can spark the answers to the “why am I?” “Did I stop because…?”, “what am I doing this for?”, questions we feel like we shouldn’t have to actually think to answer. You can rely on feeling, feelings are important but can also be inadequate, especially when you feel nothing.

Much peace, joy, and prosperity xoxo

It’s all apart of the process.

Sadness.

img_3468
THE SAD CLOWNS CLUB

 

Sad – an adjective –

  1. Feeling or showing; unhappy.
  2. Causing or characterized by sorrow or regret; unfortunate and regrettable.

I’ve been paying attention to how it feels to be sad, which might not be so good because what if I’m just dwelling in sadness to figure out how to surpass it.. then again I might really just be sad so therefore it’s no surpassing it, yet.

The days I’m not sad I’m nothing.

The days I’m sad, I’m sad, just not as sad as usual.

img_3462
instagrams from left to right: @maya_breaux @witcholliegirll @dsouf.honey @tipwitdasauce @goldennai_

I’ve been riding out my feelings this year which has been, terribly overwhelming.. I know for a fact I suppress my emotions which is probably the real reason I don’t know how to deal with them entirely.

The sad days will soon dissipate I’m sure, it’s just getting through them instead of going around them that has been an extremely tedious process.

You know we try to put time caps on situations as such for instance. 2019 means something will improve and although something will, I don’t like the sound of waiting until 2019 to fix my mood essentially. Not only is that just a month and a half away if it’s that simple I should be able to wake up tomorrow new, which is why I said maybe it’s not too good of idea to dwell on the idea of being sad because I’m literally becoming what it is to be sad. I should also accept that if it takes me until mid fall 2019 to feel less emotionally pathetic because I finally decided to embrace my feelings and not question them always in a negative fashion 2019 was still a good year. Oppose to thinking something monumental should happen the second week of 2019… and if that’s the case I still have a month left in 2018 to make something positive within me “pop off”. Overall I’m just going through a phase of learning myself throughout disappointments, I’ll get over it soon realistically speaking and eventually the sad days won’t be as continuous.

I don’t know man. I don’t. I do but I just feel like it shouldn’t be as deep as it actually is…to me and not completely “accepting” the fact some stuff is actually that deep. In a sense after it gets way easier to adapt to the feeling of sadness even if you sincerely dislike it because you become familiar with it. You become so familiar with it that you aren’t fully comfortable with the good days, you no longer know how to feel good, or even when you finally feel good you get thrown off by reoccurring misfortune.

img_3461
\\ “Love letters to give you feels, anti-love letters to give you chills.” // Photo Credit IG: @Rein.glitter | Makeup Credit IG: @Sleepygirlbri

Back to the days I’m not sad:

The days I’m not sad, I’m kind of mildly angry.

The days I’m not sad.. I’m not happy either.

On the bright side! I still have my personality and I’m appreciative of that.

all of this is just all apart of a process.

 

Unapologeticness or Unapologeticmess

post 19

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity

Am i sorry for how i feel? Probably not, it’s how i feel. I know that sound very selfish but I’ve learned how to accept it because other people speak how they feel and do what they desire to do while “I” as an individual take it upon myself NOT to get extremely upset with a person and their feelings, thoughts of life but just remove myself instead if necessary. We’re free people/individuals/different/one of one or at least I am.

essentially i believe if i can others can to so no matter what i do … say.. or portray myself shouldn’t have anything to do with you if you don’t incorporate yourself in it.

Conflicted because I don’t know if I’m defending the ones we consider dickheads but at the same time I feel as if “it is what it is” a wise one once said “If it wasn’t for Villains it would be no Heroes”

Growing up I either heard or read “stand up for what you believe in even if you’re standing alone” I decided to incorporate that into my moral compass, mind you goes it both ways for anyone opposing you but I also feel as if you can waste your time if the person isn’t willing to be wrong or whatever the case may be. I write and I usually write from a perspective that’s not really respected because we relate to ourselves and it makes me realize life is a big contradiction among itself. We make decisions based off circumstances which is probably why my character is always on my mind so I can always be assure I’m sticking to “one side” of things to not seem flip floppy when indeed, it is what it is.. That’s where the “MESS” comes in.

Getting older I’m noticing the same reason people love me, respecting the theory of principle; standing by my feelings or thoughts; protecting what means to me. Happens to be the same reason they hate me especially if it doesn’t apply to their lifestyle per say. People disregard the power of the mind when they are set in stone, all this applies to those who read this and go against me or use their unapologeticness for what they deem “good” when really it’s only good for them and those who relate (sounds familiar?).

I also understand that some people present very very “incorrect” opinions about life but at the same time I’m content being aware they feel as such to know to stay away from them.

If people didn’t voice their feelings as such we’d be blind to how people sincerely feel! Regardless of how it effects me emotionally I just have to understand how they think or what made them feel as such.

I’m one to also have conversations with those who oppose me to understand their p.o.v BUT! without the intentions of starting an argument.

Overall am I d*ckhead or? I mean I don’t publicly voice to a person or try not at least, voice that a persons opinions is causing them to be less of a person. I’m getting tired of apologizing about how I feel even though I watch people present their opinions as facts while I’m just stating my perception as an opinion. After all if we’re being as technical as we’re becoming your opinion might be a fact to YOU, according to you! Therefore my opinion is also a fact…because it’s true to me.

I’ll be sure to update you when I find a correct balance that’s morally correct, even though sometimes doing the right thing isn’t “Morally” correct let alone “Politically” correct.

P.S No this is not directed to give Nazis, Rapist, Homophones, or any other of that BULLSHIT! A self righteous pass, Matter of fact I don’t even know why you’re here.

XOXO – Wishing Peace! Joy! & Prosperity!