I’ve officially outgrown my desire for likes and all that superficial shit because what I put into the world is timeless, it’s enjoyed by those who need to experience it. And that itself I’m thankful for.
I find myself stumbling across opportunities to work with and become friends with people who once inspired me, and that’s because of me as a person and my persistence. I feel like that’s enough honestly because I’m proud they see what they’ve contributed to. Especially while I feel like you can say I’m a “nobody” if you solely base my online presence over my ability to preform, which I understand if you do.
All in all I’m being recognized, acknowledged, and appreciated behind closed doors for sure, in the very least, which is fine by me.
It’s a bigger everything to every action and I’m no longer eager to be what the world deems “successful” because I’ve successfully figured out how to allow my words, art, + everything else to co-exist in the world without expectation, which has humbled my disappointment and feeling of being “disregard”.
I’m chilling. I’m growing up. I’m learning. I still feel like I’m great but just don’t know what I’m doing, but I do know Ima be alright. I’m no longer splitting my attention and dedication with “seeking”— resulting in throwing off my ability to be focused on what I, can, do! I’m excited and underwhelmed. I’m proud of me.
Like I say “I don’t think I’m anything, I know I’m everything. And everything isn’t meant for everybody” that’s the truth. It’s okay. It was a tweet (if I can find it I’ll link it) but it said something along the lines of “you become disconnected when you look at your talents as a commodity that’s not paying off.” And now that I’ve gotten over that… I feel more certain about what I’m doing and can’t wait to do more instead of feeling like I’m failing, I’m doing fine.
I feel back to normal, when I started all this I did it to get my feelings off mainly. I wanted to be open about not know, being wrong, and whatever else that comes with life and somewhere along the journey of just talking on the internet I got greedy. The society I was battling I joined forces with unintentionally and let it slow me down. And I had the nerve to allow it to make me question what I know best about myself. Being that I can write!!
Talk to y’all later! Wishing everybody Peace x Joy x Prosperity always, all ways – Aunty
With the whole “don’t say nigga unless you’re black” rhetoric going I feel the need to cover the importance of respecting that on a wider spread before I just jump in on why I stopped using the word.
What It Means: The word “Nigga” is derived from “Nigger”. If you aren’t familiar with what a “Nigger” is it’s a noun (considered offensive) USED as an INSULTING AND CONTEMPTUOUS term FOR a BLACK PERSON, also USED as an INSULTING and CONTEMPTUOUS term FOR a MEMBER OF ANY DARK SKIN RACE, and (now often, still considered offensive)A MEMBER OF A CLASS OR GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO ARE SYSTEMATICALLY SUBJECTED TO DISCRIMINATION AND UNFAIR TREATMENT. [minding you that the last usage of the word still very much so correlates with black/dark skin people thank you.] It is a word that is “still at the center of anti-Black verbal distortions” if you’re black you can attest to the fact you’ve been called “nigger” in today’s time. The African American Registry was kind enough to provide a well written explanatory breakdown “Nigger (the word), a brief history” on the origin of the word, including the widespread derogatory meanings and what it meant to be considered a “Nigger”.
What is a “Nigga”: Nigga is a form of “Black Pride”. African Americans had to endure a lot of torture behind being a “Nigger” and as time progressed black people felt it would be benignant to take what was once detrimental to them and show that it no longer has the power to hold any weight. [with that being said, our African American Black ancestors had to fight for that! Which is why the fight continues through anyone who feels the need to press the issue on why a non black person shouldn’t say nigga] Yes it showcases oppression and yes you’re ethnicity was probably oppressed too but the line that is drawn in between both sides happens to be Black so let Black people be in regards of Black history and what it means to be Black in America, let alone anywhere, without feeling as if they have to accept the actions of everyone when in plain sight our actions doesn’t even get allowed justification in regards of why the respect is Mandated, let alone the least that can be allotted to us without argument.
here we have real feelings/words from real people,
“Well at first before I found out being Afro Rican was a thing I wouldn’t say my family was anti black my dads side is my moms isn’t but I knew two ways the word could be used one in a derogatory way and one which was just slang that had no “bad meaning” to it but I would say it and I never got checked for it EVER but anybody else that wasn’t black would get checked for it people would say but you Puerto Rican you from the hood so you get a pass not even mentioning that I was dark or not but as I grew older being taught that Boricuas like myself have that African DNA more than other Boricuas it made sense so now I’m one of them people doing the checking some people you can put in they place some you cant they’ll keep saying it I don’t condone non black people saying it even if they genuinely mean it as how we would use it but that’s just the way mfs grew up saying that word so its something they’re used to however they can unlearn that shit” – via twitter, @D0ntGetChipped
“Honestly …. I’m one of those people it depends what you’re using the word for… if it’s in a song I won’t really care I won’t lie, but if you’re directing it toward someone else no matter their race I’m like “who a nigga?” Tf?” – via instagram, @im.asil
“Me personally, I’m not sensitive to it. I disagree more for the fact that blacks can’t have anything for themselves without other groups feeling entitled. Esp people who aren’t white but aren’t black. Whites too, but other groups hide behind the fact that we crack down on whites its frustrating in general for blacks to be the core of the culture, yet diminished by every group. Which is apart of the game I guess. but the second we understand our value is the day we can see progression. synonymous to the artists v. businessman argument.” – via twitter, @nappyhednegress
When you are a White person and you don’t honor the wishes of a Black Person telling you to stop saying “nigga” understand how you just looked over black history, black people as a whole, and you may deem it not a big deal but that should let you know you have no business saying it because you can’t understand it, you don’t live it, and clearly you don’t even respect it therefore majority rules you have no business even trying to be apart of it. Even when you say “I don’t mean it like that” you disregard black history/black people because that’s what it means and that’s what comes with saying it.
It’s nothing wrong with being wrong if you’re willing to correct your ignorance. Ignorance is the lack of knowledge with willingness to be informed while stupidity is closed minded negligence in regards of taking the opportunity to understand and gain perspective/knowledge.
Why I Stopped saying “Nigga” It took me a good while to realize I used it to dehumanize and/or disregard the value of a Black Man. I only referred to Men as “N****s”, simply because I felt like they weren’t aligning with that it was to be a Man so I didn’t refer to them as one and not once did I think it to be offensive because I’m black myself, “my friends say it”, “I grew up where everybody says it”, “I’ve been hearing it all my life”. So as of now I refrain from saying it in general. What made me realize that I was doing this is watching a White Hispanic lady who says “Nigga” turn around and get into a conflict with Black People and say “Y’all just a bunch of Niggas” without realizing the connotation that came with that, hence why it’s was not preferred for her to say it in the first place. Me being Black wasn’t justification for my blatant stupidity. So now I’ve taken the initiative to equate Black Men to what they are which are Men, Guys, Dudes, and I feel good about that. Hopefully my negligence, the feelings from others, and origin history encourages you to not only reconsider but understand the fight on why it’s absurd to have it in your vocabulary anyways.
People who fuck over the ones who love them often have a hard time accepting love in the long run due to the fact THEY’VE watered down what it means to love someone.
Love holds no significance to them anymore.
Essentially they are simply just avoiding their own karma afraid that what they once done to someone else can now be done to them. They can’t trust anyone because they took the trust people had for them and used it maliciously.
Aside from stunting the growth and finally enjoying the feelings of falling in love or being in love. After given enough thought, if you’ve ever loved someone so much and had it actually sincerely reciprocated, whether it be a friend or lover.. you realize these kind of people probably will never experience that genuineness. To live a life where the people YOU choose to have around you, you can’t trust therefore causing you to settle in suppressed emotions such as anxiousness, worry, and lack there of is a life I can’t imagine. Especially regarding with my friends.
The question is, how do you prove to someone as such that you love them without overstepping what it is to love into manipulation due to the fact that they’re the ones scared of being love?
Wishing everybody much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity! All ways, Always.
Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.
We often “speak for” with the idea we know although we haven’t lived through to experience. When really the most we can do is listen and understand in most instances while not invalidating perceptions, feelings, and truths because they don’t correlate with the idea we’ve developed ourselves from the outside looking in. To respect, acknowledge, and try to be receptive the best we can are little steps that can embark big change.
The point is to bring “awareness” not saying anyone who participated in this is a victim but to shed light on “how it feels…” because every feeling counts.
So I ask “How does it feel to be Dark Skin in America?”
“For a long time I hated it! I didn’t necessarily hate my skin… I hated what people associated with my skin color! Since I’m not and never were the negative things people said and thought about people with darker skin.”
“Being dark skin in America feels like being an alien… we get degraded and passed up on, I used to hate being dark skin I heard every joke in the book, especially from guys. We’re always compared to a person of lighter skin tones, we have to work twice as hard to look good because we’re dark skin, and people only like dark skin people right now because we’re a trend. We started embracing ourselves and now everybody wants parts of that. I get told “yeah you’re cute, for a dark skin.” when in reality I’m cute as fuck period! We are in our category, in our own race… we get racially profiled the most as well [a perfect example would be the skin chart from family guy implying that the darker skin are most likely to have done, anything].”
“As a dark skin male in America I feel the light colored skin tones are appreciated more, we are more prone to stereotypes (law enforcement/police brutality) and people at times are scared of me or already formed an opinion before even meeting me due to the color of my skin”
“I guess I’m what people consider “brown skin” I think I’m just black. I’m just a Black Girl. When I was younger all the boys at school would say I’m “burnt toast” and I’d be confused like ” I’m brown but I’m not dark skin. It got to a the point I hated it and wanted to be light skin so bad. I still wanted my blackness, I just wanted to be light. Because of that I was able to notice my own colorist ways and changed it, I love my brown skin! It can be dark it can be whatever but I don’t want it to be a “wave”. For example Darker girls are only “the wave” on social media or if they have certain features. The objective is to love our Black beauty no matter how light or dark it is. Let’s rid the community and the world of those terms all together
“Growing up I never really considered myself “dark” or any other complexion I just always assumed I was just “Black” no in between. As I got older going through school that’s when other kids would refer to me as “dark” when comparing me to them or just in general. I started to realize the term being used within my own family and how they used it to describe people with deeper skin tones. At the time it didn’t make me feel any way, until I started to get the “You’re pretty for a black girl.”, “You’re cute for a dark skin”, “I don’t usually talk to dark skins but I would talk to you.” that shit really did get under my skin after a while because I don’t get why my skin color has to be mentioned at all. My facial features are my facial features and I would look like this no matter what shade my skin was in…So if I was lighter would they have told me ” You’re cute for a light skin girl”? I highly doubt it. Which was the most annoying part because to me it was like “You’re treating me different than you would treat someone else or who is lighter than me” but I eventually stopped caring about it though. At this point I feel like it’s a lot of complexion slander now a days where every complexion talks about each other and essentially it’s all just non sense. I don’t know who, why, or what deemed it necessary that each culture must have some type of complexion shaming in order to have certain people feel superior than others that are the same ethnicity as them but it’s happening and it’s keeping us divided as Black people. All I know is no matter who you are, what you look like, or how dark your skin is you are no less or no more than anybody else on this doomed ass earth. We all breathe the same polluted ass air so people need to act accordingly and humble themselves and stop acting like skin tone gives them ranking in actual factual life.”
“America’s perception of us hurts, we’re shown almost everyday that our complexion is fear by the rejection we receive, but we we’re born with everything they lack, beauty. The ugly hate they show only makes me love my skin more.”
“Being Dark skin in America is definitely not something I’m ashamed of. I’ve heard all of the stereotypes and jokes about how I’m supposed to be “Ain’t shit” or a “deadbeat”, but it’s just more motivation to be more than that!
“Umm what’s it like being Dark skin, mmm mm, I’ll tell you what it wasn’t like. It wasn’t accepting, it wasn’t loving, it wasn’t peaceful at times, it wasn’t positive, it wasn’t looked at as beautiful, it wasn’t appreciated, it wasn’t… it wasn’t what it is now. I mean that to say a trend, being dark skin is a trend, my dark skin to the next person is a trend, they want to be darker now. When I was younger to be dark skin was considered pretty much a crime. I’ll always remember being constantly teased, looked over, boys always laughing..girls.. you name it. Perfect example is even Lil Kim, a lot of people love to say she went to far with surgery and bleaching her skin but you have to understand when you’re praising self hate in you’re own community and you constantly hear it, you have no choice but to feel like you are different. It’s disgusting that so many people are upset with her appearance now when we’re the reason of her appearance, the reason for her low self esteem, we’re the reason for the self hate. It’s nauseating because it’s like “well how do you expect for me to see the beauty within myself when you don’t even see the beauty within me.” The point is understand when you’re around the hate of people telling you your skin is to dark you automatically start to believe it.
“Being Dark skin in America was difficult. With people not accepting you because you’re a darker complexion, people talking shit because you’re dark, I believe it gets easier to love your skin tone when you’re older. When you’re younger you tend to follow the trend because you don’t know yourself yet. For me it was very hard to love my skin in middle/high school, people talking about me made my self esteem very low and at one point I wished I wasn’t dark. Now you can’t tell me shit! I love my skin, it’s so beautiful, a beautiful even tone, and I will never wish that I was light.
It’s not to many benefits when it comes to suppressing your feelings you only burden yourself in regards of your emotions.
Allow yourself to be furious, allow yourself to be gloomy, allow yourself to be heartbroken, allow yourself to feel betrayed, allow yourself to feel disappointed, just allow yourself to feel.
Feelings aren’t a form of weakness, they are natural expressions.
Emotions push our growth, they help grace the process of a different learning.
When you suppress your feelings you don’t allow yourself to get over it, instead you fall under it. Somethings will always bother you of course it’s life but somethings don’t deserve as much time as others. When you void the process of understanding you become stuck on particular situations trying to understand them instead of just feel and progress.
Resulting in Regression.
Don’t neglect you’re happiness by spending to much time on what makes you grieve.
Wishing everybody much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity! All ways, Always.
I “risk” a lot being myself or staying true to who I am. By not compromising to become what other people want from me and only abiding by what I know to be authenticity, I’m not “universal”. Universal in this universe is to cater to one idea of personal discretion, people tend to start being selfish with you, who you are.
That’s not how I’m willing to live.
Overall the idea of all of that doesn’t necessarily bother me per say. I’m just always being reminded about how much better I’d be, If I were to present myself for the sake of admiration from other people. Which kind of comes across as who I am doesn’t hold much “significance” in retrospect of course. More often than not we are to be molded by someone who doesn’t even live up to their own expectations that they are forcing on you. (Family & society has a bad habit of doing this)
In addition to the social media craze being a guide to insanity, insecurity, and insincerity. It often makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong when you’re simply being yourself in some cases. It’s okay to feel like a failure, usually within the despair that comes with it is hunger to approach whatever better next time. Instead, as of late we’ve been questioning ourselves not for the greater good of ourselves to contribute to bettering us but how to make people like us. So “failure” hits harder since it’s not to be an option. As if it’s a incorrect way to be ourselves to begin with..
Everybody is different! That’s what creates versatility, if we were all on the same page we’d learn nothing new. If we all looked the same the beauty in art would seemingly decrease do to unappreciative outlook. If we all had the same personality we wouldn’t know how to function outside of what we’re use to. I read once “If it wasn’t for villains it would be no heroes.”
What is the point? Are we people pleasing, which is fine I just rather people not pass it for what it’s not and that’s a “I don’t give a fuck attitude” because you do. Are we setting a staple of boarder thinking? Are we longing to be liked, if not loved? Are we looking forward to monetary triumph? What’s the purpose of what we do? Who do we do it for? What do we mean to ourselves?
I read that after we’ve accomplished a goal we don’t realize that the importance was minute because we don’t know what to do next after wading in the success. If you put it into perspective after you’ve accomplished, obtained, or whatever you kind of forget about it. It’s no longer important, you’re bored, on to the next, you did it. Then what.
Point is there’s no blueprint to follow when staying truth to being original. I suppose being lost is part of it all since in the travels to the next destination we elevate.
“Match their energy…” “We’re matching energy.” “I’m just going to match their energy.”
Why? Why do we have this idea that we must lower ourselves to prove..what? What is the significance in putting your character to the side in order to prove something to someone that does even equate to you, contribute any good to you, or most likely doesn’t even care about you, and will confuse you reflecting them to you simply “tripping” because if they did it wouldn’t be necessary to match their “energy”.
I’ve never heard anyone say they were going to match the energy of someone with a positive narrative behind it instead of fighting fire with fire.
I assume it’s the same as “treating others the way you’d like to be treated” but maybe not, see I associate that with common courtesy. Where else “Energy” is something much more sacred, sincere, something you ought of protect in a sense.
When we sacrifice ourselves like that we don’t notice how not only is it essentially a waste of time but also how vulnerable we are. We willingly ruin ourselves in the hopes the person, a person, who happens to not have “soul” themselves get its. Which leaves us disheveled because in a sense we lose ourselves on accident and can’t grasp that it was never anything wrong with us but the problem is them, only to turn into them since we don’t feel appreciated. It’s the little things that are able to create a domino effect of trauma. Point is just remember you can’t feel for a person that doesn’t feel themselves.
May the hurt we experience allow us to grow wiser, wishing everyone much Peace x Joy x Prosperity
Regression! Sometimes you must backtrack to find depth in what went wrong, what feels incorrect, what the next step is. It’s okay to go back to what you know, don’t feel “guilty”. We know ourselves the best, we know the details of our life that shaped us to be who we’ve become, the feelings we push into oblivion, the wants, and everything else.
Periodically we progress so much we lose touch of what would be the next step in our life. That makes us feel uncomfortable, temporarily, due to confusion. What we once knew is now unfamiliar and while we’re stuck in the realm of ourselves we just don’t know.
We get to a point of finding ourselves going back to what started us, out of boredom or even in remembrance, to inspire us to move in the what would be “correct” direction.
In the game of monopoly (in theory) we go around the same board.. however many times just to essentially better ourselves. So if you feel like old versions of you can contribute to a better you, don’t question it.
By all this I mean everything is a butterfly effect as I say often. So in The trickling down of each situation, memory, or feelings you used as a lesson can be recycled to validate other lessons. It can spark the answers to the “why am I?” “Did I stop because…?”, “what am I doing this for?”, questions we feel like we shouldn’t have to actually think to answer. You can rely on feeling, feelings are important but can also be inadequate, especially when you feel nothing.
LEARN AS YOU LIVE 