To whom, to those, to all! For what!

Being “misunderstood” plus unwilling to compromise I wonder do I still serve my purpose. I believe I was created to rebuild the mind of! I’ll sacrifice myself on behalf of producing a new mind, outlook on life, anything. I’m willing to give since I know the take will forever stand in the way of your thoughts.

I don’t recommend this to everyone, I’m okay because I can rebuild myself, when I what you can say “destroy” myself in a sense. In this process I also learn the reasons and motives of others making me be more understanding overall therefore the next person I come across can also gain a new level of mental/emotional, understanding.

I’m not sure why I feel the need to make this my responsibility, I take that back. I do this because it’s a lack of open-mess worldwide so if I can stress the aspects of difference being perfectly fine it’s the least I can do. It’s a way of helping develop the process of “understanding” become easier.

Trial and error taught me most of, as in 60% including my mother & sister being open with their trial and errors to go off of boosting it to probably 87%, not everyone is able to make mistakes.. openly. Let alone be okay with making a mistake and having the time to actually learn something from it. So the fact I can take advantage of that on behalf of those not able to you begin to think of it like you’re just doing a favor.

Now The mind is so complex even when people “think” they’ve disregarded what I’ve done keyword being WILLINGLY they go back on it trying to make it not make sense… essentially just making it make sense but not admitting it.. or at least admitting it openly. Which is fine. I don’t do it for notoriety but I figured out the discrepancy on why some people don’t favor me.

& With all the good comes the bad.

Unfortunately my biggest pet peeve when doing all this is some people are just unperceptive and it’s sad. I understood it’s the concept of being guarded. Being so closed off in order to “protect” yourself can eventually be equivalent to looking out a window with your eyes closed. You miss out on everything and just reiterate the idea of being scared of… whatever. All this is fine by the way I’m not here to tell you it’s wrong but to STRESS you can use me, whether it be in secret, bi-weekly, everyday. As a bit of “guidance” in many aspects of life as I continue learning as I live.

& all this applies to anything. I’m speaking on behalf of dealing with others for the most part.

I wonder does all that get overshadowed because of who I am and how I choose to be…

“What do you see when you see me?”

Before we start here’s some food for thought, Black Michael Jackson.. and White Michael Jackson were definitely conspiracy theories.

I am more than sure everybody wonders how they are perceived by “the people” whether you care or not, it’s a thought.

I’d say 70+ percent of those people are thinking appearance wise while the other percentile wonders “WHAT MAKES A PERSON NOT BELIEVE IN ME??? HOW DID I PRESENT MYSELF FOR A PERSON TO THINK I’M DUMB?”

This refers to any instance. (It often happens to me with friendships in particular.)

In my case I wonder why people insult my intelligence, question my character, or just do not believe in my capabilities of being a honest person generally.

I think people go out of their way to not pay attention to another persons sincerity. Or maybe they are just truly oblivious to the experiences.

I’ve also developed an understanding that not every one can reciprocate the love they are given because they aren’t use to it. So can I blame them for treating me the only way they know how to treat people? It’s a tough decision to decide if you’re willing to make it your “job” to prove yourself to people in honor of defending yourself when realistically they probably don’t even care. They’ve become accustom to how they’re living, how people treat them. In a way I feel bad for people who adjust to being treated so crappy, they can’t enjoy the people who see so much more in them than they see in themselves.

At the same time I’m also very aware of Sensibility and it is hard to believe some people do not posses the ability to use it one bit. It’s there regardless if you choose to not display emotion externally…it’s there.

Hopefully people start picking up on the sincerity of a person so the giver doesn’t become tired,discouraged, or just choose to change their demeanor in all.

Take pleasure in a persons care for you whether it lasts forever for not! Don’t let that kind of energy go to waste.

Experiences will either create a new person or new perspective.. not always for the greater good either.

Wishing everyone Peace, Joy, and Prosperity xoxo.

Featured Song: Brent Faiyaz – Insecure

Friends

I was never fond of the whole “Birds of a Feather Flock Together” theory because mentally I knew even though I was hanging out with these particular people it was a disconnect intellectually (especially as I got to know them) therefore they’d never be able to relate, to me in general. The relation between such individuals and I were never, um, similar for me to feel like I’d want to be like/do as them SINCERELY. So the “flocking together part…was irrelevant. Let alone my high regards of what being a friend actually meant to me.

It irritates me how passively the word friend is tossed around so frivolously. It has loss a lot of feeling, what is a “friend”? Friendships kind of carry a negative connotation only because the betrayal is easier to publicize since everybody can relate to it, unfortunately.

I still don’t know if I take my friendships so seriously because they fill the void of not having a connection with my relatives.. and if that is really the case maybe I shouldn’t apply such pressure, pressure as in they should do any wrong to me.. EVER. Then again my personal family conflictions really have nothing to do with a person that was initially a stranger treating me “better” in many aspects than my own biological relatives will. I respect that and it will always have my high regards so I’m for certain they can do better than what they might do that would cause a conflict between our friends, if you catch my drift.

Now that I am “of age” I’m what you can say proud… that the people I surround myself with think as highly of me as I think of them. I’m lucky for many reasons but what I don’t acknowledge often are my friendships, I know some of the coolest people from having talents to great personalities. My friendships revolve around kind things resembling Fondness, Support, Honesty, and Loyalty. Not everyone gets to develop those kind of bonds with people and keep them on going as years progress.

So basically what I’m getting at is The Birds I’m flocking these days I’m very fond of. I’ve gotten to know with some of the kindest people spirits.

It makes me wonder if it’s not the lack of family or maybe its how I carry myself. I believe you are what you attract applies to many things and… if I am able to attract people who have such unique characteristics I’m something special because these people are extremely special to me. It helps a lot knowing you have people that look forward to you regardless of how you feel about yourself independently, I feel like people don’t value that kind of flattery.

I feel like the word “Friend” which is a noun meaning 1. A person whom one knows and with whom one has a BOND of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.  is used where the word “Acquaintance”,  which is a noun meaning 1. A person’s knowledge or experience of something. 2. A person one knows SLIGHTLY but who is not a CLOSE friend, often fits.

Big Ups to my friends for supporting me as a whole from every idea I have to my lifestyle choices. You learn things such as forgiveness, rationality, or how to deal with sensitivity  from different perspectives and I’m very thankful for that.

Side note: Don’t be afraid to let your friends know you love them and shit sometimes.

The featured photo is from the sitcom “Friends”

!Wishing everyone Peace, Joy, and Porosity always XOXO!

Surprise Song, Enjoy It

Risk

Post 16

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity

Something that truly irritates me is the fact you have to choose self respect verses you’re success these days, you can’t just live your life accordingly without risking your livelihood. We as people have independent morals, beliefs, and senses that we stand by but we must tone it down in order to make sure we don’t ruin ourselves because people don’t know how to allow more than one perception of an individual to flourish.

No, This doesn’t include the derogatory mess some of you refer to as ‘opinions’ regarding race, sexuality, & sexism among other things that don’t even effect you personally but consider to speak out the ass about so, don’t quote me in reference to such confusion considered a ‘moral’, ‘belief’, or ‘sense’.

I’ve always had that “you’re weird.” ‘Problem’ to be frank I still do and it’s so hard to disregard honestly. Only because it’s portrayed that being this extraordinary individual isn’t comforting to others so it isn’t likable since it lacks the norm, From my perspective I don’t get why your incomparable flow couldn’t awaken the minds of others that in fact you can be.. Different!  Just like being told “you’re pretty” or any compliment you hold onto it, the same rules apply to the negativity especially when you’re building yourself up to help you evolve and although being “weird” isn’t something necessarily negative it’s also not something to be fond about. It makes you second guess yourself and it makes you live within a box that doesn’t let satisfy your urge to free yourself.

What I wonder is why people pressure others to continue to not be ‘unhappy’ by not respecting them express themselves while they know how it feels to stay secret.

I don’t think people realize It’s a lack of respect for Originality these days. It’s okay to put out whatever as long as the people like you.  “Be something others can relate to.” As if that’s impossible to do just because something is abnormal a mass amount of people aren’t accepting of what’s ‘irregular’. To me if you, being you is relatable to one let alone a few then it will encourage many to take pride in any and everything regarding them.

Looking back, personally, I’ve sold myself short many times when it comes to self expression for the sake of people to like me. People who didn’t even pay attention to the fact I was like them after I purposely dedicated time to their acceptance.  As a kid, teenager, young creative you are not aware that a person should like you because you are you and not who you should be. That’s as far as it should go though, once we reach a fine moment in adulthood we must start embracing and living for ourselves.

Confinement“, a word developed from the root word “confine” which is a noun that means “the borders or boundaries of a place, especially regard to their restricting freedom of movement”

The featured photo is from the Bad Boy Record label Photo shoot showcasing the release of Craig Mack & Notorious B.I.G new music incorporating the infamous McDonald’s Big Mac.

Crazy Like That Glue – Craig Mack Documentary

Surprise Song, Enjoy it

One person

02:17

All it takes is one person, one person to make you feel like you’re the most important person on the face of the earth. One person to give you faith without looking for anything in return, one person. 

How can a person see what you don’t see in yourself? How can a person give you such an intangible wealth called love. 

Appreciate, appreciation, appreciative of everything given such as kindness and reassurance and loyalty for making me feel as such royalty! What could I ever be able to give… to show my appreciation that I’m appreciative that you appreciate everything I have to give even when I’m feeling as if it’s not much yet you still trust in me. 

One person. 

Thankful for that one person. 

 

“People think I’ve changed on them”

Why can’t people accept the fact you can outgrow them? It’s never personal, you should actually be proud of me! Encourage me to go even further. It’s no love loss just more knowledge to be gained, you should adapt to getting away from people who don’t want to see you grow up instead of being in a stagnant place in life. Those type of people probably just want you around for entertainment purposes and that extremely toxic.

It’s unfortunate that people think because you can days without talking to them they’ve done something wrong, which makes me wonder.. “what did you do?”, and they feel like they need an explanation on why you stopped communicating with them, momentarily for the most part. Understand we just don’t relate anymore it’s okay no hard feelings I wish you the best, you won’t be forgotten.

It’s sad that people live with the thoughts you must stay extremely close to people in order to avoid conflict of you being labeled as “fraud”. Maybe the person that’s being “left behind” should incorporate some type of positive change in their life so they aren’t focused on what others are doing in a somewhat negative way. I can’t believe people give grief over someone prospering. I get it a lot of friendships end over people “changing” in good or bad ways but the good is always mistaken for “snob-like” behavior so it turns into envy and people feel like they can disrespect you quite often because “who do you think you are?” 

To wrap it all up I just encourage people to understand sometimes you won’t relate with certain people as you continue to grow. Don’t make the person feel bad for prospering in fact just be apart of their support system, nine times out of ten they forever love you for that.

Value an opinion

Post 9

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

Opinion – o•pin•ion (noun) a view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
“I’m writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance.”

Let’s start off be clarifying that opinions are for conversations and facts are more essential in a debate. 

How are you supposed to broaden your horizons if you aren’t open minded? When I speak on open mindedness I’m not saying you have to accept everything you come across but it wouldn’t hurt to just try to understand willingly. I think that’s an important part of conversing with another individual, if you don’t understand that’s okay too many people are okay with giving clarification. I stress people should learn to agree to disagree! After a while an opinionated conversation can just go in circles followed by aggressive emotions because you feel like the other person doesn’t hear you when in actuality you guys aren’t listening to each other just searching for validation within the conversation while hearing voices.

What’s morally correct to me, due to how I was raised, may not be morally correct to another person. So who is more incorrect me or them? It’s so much you can learn from people if you were to just listen from all standpoints, if someone hurts you and you ask them to explain their actions (this is why the truth is so important) you hear THEIR logic behind what they did and why they did it. You as a person listening should take that perspective and apply it to life to assure you don’t commit the same “mistake”. It’s kind of like history in a sense, if you don’t acknowledge or go over it without a doubt it’ll repeat itself.

When I hear someone’s opinion even if I don’t necessarily agree with it, it’s still intriguing enough for me to further the conversation just because curiosity killed the cat. “If you knew better you would do better.” As valid as that statement is don’t use it if you think your way of thinking is the only logical way to come to a conclusion. Chances are you don’t know to much to be able to do any better than what you produce due to the fact your stuck in a, what we consider, oppressive state of mind.

What I’m trying to stress is, life is all about learning and as you grow older you’re supposed to become wiser. Theoretically you read books, keep going to school, or just learn from trial and error to keep knowledge flowing but what we forget about is how essential talking to people can be. Better yet! Think of it like this if you do something wouldn’t you want a person to hear you out right? Understand where you’re coming from without the harsh judgment or trying to correct your thinking process? Treat others the way you would like to be treated!

Friendly Rejection 

As years progress You can tell which friendships grow on you in positive and negative aspects. 

When I say friendly rejection I’m not talking about being “Friend Zoned”. I’m referring to the attempts of building bonds with people and you guys just don’t relate or they might not see the coolness you see in yourself. 

1. Weird – Suggesting something is supernatural; Uncanny. 

  • People use the term weird wrong all the time, just because someone doesn’t fit in with you appearance wise or morally doesn’t mean they’re “supernatural” just simply different that’s all. People see you dancing to the beat of your own drum and think you’re weird because you give off your own type of energy. I’ve been called weird all my life & I used to think it was so bad like “ew what the fuck, never” but I just realized it’s not bad at all I’m “Weird” and you’re “Regular” you are what we call predictable, I would be concerned if I was you, you have no Za Za Zu! I didn’t have that mindframe previously though so I spent like 2 years fixing myself appearance wise especially to fit in… to nothing ! I look back like WHAT THE FUCK was so important in copying people that didn’t even acknowledge the fact I tried to adapt to their way of living to be their friend, on top of the fact I have surpassed more than most of them in my life, anyways.

2. Annoying – causing irritation or annoyance. 

  • I was always the annoying friend from multiple aspects which is kind of intriguing. I was either annoying because I was to “mothering” but I mean I can’t help it if I want the best for you, I consider you … my friend. Then I would be annoying in an obnoxious manner but I always considered that as a form of mild, unaccepted, admiration meaning I love you, I want to be around you, you are cool to me! I LIKED YOU! Eventually you learn to back off no matter how much you either want to intervene because you know the person can do better than they are producing or be in someone’s presence because they make you sincerely happy. 

3. Independent – Free from outside control; not depending on another’s authority. 

  • When you are not easily influenced by others they stay away from you, and when you’re younger you wonder “what’s the problem? We can still be cool” but what you don’t realize is technically you’re no use to them if you aren’t  willing to be a test dummy, which is totally fine by me. “Stand up for whatever you believe in even if you’re standing alone.” & I put this to help justify the importance of you believing in yourself unapologetically, so make sure your well being mentally & physically are okay because you’re able to live at your own desired discretion. If someone can’t respect you as a person along with your mindframe you don’t need them in your life anyways. 

It took me a while to pay attention to this type of stuff because I had no choice but to enjoy the company of myself on many occasions, and with doing that it gives you time to simply self reflect and learn yourself. I appreciate the people who never cared to be my friend after a long struggle of me trying because it showed me to give everyone a chance UNLESS something that crosses the line happens then I can’t associate with you anymore, but that’s a given. It’s no telling how much someone wants you in their life and just because you don’t have too much in common I don’t think you should necessarily ignore them, hear them out have simple conversations… adapt a new way of thinking it’ll open your mind in a very positive way.