I’m Bored.

I’m unamused, unimpressed, and uninterested with my space.
I can only influence and or inspire myself so much.

I want to elevate so badly in so many instances/aspects but I’m aware I am lacking something that’s causing me not to know how. So in the meantime I’ve just been floating and not focused while trying to gather inspiration from, unfortunately that has been resulting in my silence because I have nothing to say since I can’t even comprehend the feelings of much of nothing along with what life means at this time for me. The irritation gathered from all of this is draining also but fortunately even if it’s empty ideas I figure I keep spit balling them in the hopes everything will start flowing, again, although I don’t know what happens to be.

I’ve outgrown (or I’m more so in the process of outgrowing) myself and I appreciate that but I’ve realized I don’t know how to be in control of what I want and the funny thing about that is as I write this I’ve come to the conclusion that’s probably the point. To let life. I can’t explain the emptiness I’m feeling it’s in no regards of creativity either I know it’s a transition though, to transcend whatever that means it sounds like it goes with what I’m saying though. I suppose I’m supposed to be learning something right now yet I’m so focused on what I’m not doing/feeling I can’t enjoy the process I’m being put through having time to “learn”, realize, rationalize, and or discover to help me create as I do nothing because I’m ANXIOUS … to execute.

I assume I shouldn’t shut myself down but since I write on what I know & feel if I’ve given all the knowledge I have gained in this lifetime of mine at this time… I have nothing to enlighten you with, If I feel no ways so it’s nothing to talk about resulting in nothing at all and I’m better than that. So you see how I grow irritated with the process. I feel free and pointless at the same time and I’m so okay with it the flow of, “nothing”, I’m comfortably uncomfortable with the fact I’m not learning when in fact I’m just simply living.

I can’t believe I don’t know what I’m doing right now
captured by idris_is_nooice

As I reread this I also figure this process is scary to me since I’ve come to the current end of and I’m on my way to my next journey of what just might be content expansion but I’m so focused on my purpose not being fulfilled without my satisfaction when really I need not forget It’s still more to come.

Short Sermon: Allow yourself to be Embarrassed

Value the feeling of embarrassment.

Once you get over it the first time you’ll either realize it wasn’t that bad or you’ll put in the effort to not feel that way again.

Every time I publish a set of words I hate them and I start to hate the publishing completely. Rarely do I ever feel like “Wow this is good!” and even when I do by the time I’m finish.. I hate it. I feel like it loses it’s value. I feel like it’s whack! I could’ve done better, I’m lacking what others possess so easily, yet I still put it out.

Why do I still put it out content I don’t feel sure about? Because first off I know sometimes it’s just me excepting myself to be so great off the rip. Realistically how am I suppose to get better without the advances to learn.

It’s many elements I know I lack because I keep going, if I didn’t have proof my words from late 2016 are far more poorly put together I wouldn’t be proud of how far the structure of my words have come as time has progressed.

I knew what I didn’t have, I knew what had the potential to discourage me, I knew what everyone else had, I knew when I started I’d be a mess, but I also knew for sure I’d be good at what I wanted to do, I knew what I had to say held weight! SO I encourage everyone to “make it happen” regardless of circumstances and build, try.

After my 2016 go at things 2017 had me feeling like “okay, I’m good at this” according to the elements of my 2018 set of publishing’s the literacy of 2017 probably truly sucked but I would’ve never had the opportunity to value the structure of what I’ve been putting out 2019. I’ve learned so much forcing myself to step in front of “embarrassment”, even though I feel admirable of my ability to execute my craft and or put things together YEARS! Later. I have had the opportunity to notice everything else I need to work on to elevate me even higher.

Essentially the point is to not weaken yourself or contribute to your stagnation because you don’t want to be embarrassed, eventually it’ll become a moment you can laugh at to only smile at your strength.

I’m referring to this as “embarrassment” but as I finalize this I’m realizing that It’s the feeling of being mediocre that is what’s embarrassing and that’s okay because with time you’ll develop the ability to be as great as you desire to be. I also suppose how things are to be perceived by others can have you on the fence but remember everything isn’t for everybody.

Uncle Retch

Let’s start by saying Retch is 1 of those artist that deserves all the respect he receives on a day to day basis.

• This segment below introduced me to the one and only “Retch”.

Retch – Everything you need to know, May ’15 (Given to us by The Fader) 

The first time I heard the phrase “Finesse the World & Everything in it.” I immediately grew up, mind you I was probably in the 10th grade, but it ended up being a real influential phrase to me I definitely live by it. Retch has kept it straight with us from the time my fanship started, I even did a little snooping into previous years, til now and his tweets & actions keep me convinced. One thing I sincerely like about the man is he practices what he preaches, let alone gives us a little street knowledge in his music. In all he’s what I would consider a honest man, my version of a honest man is he’s aware of everything he does, what he has did, and knows what he’s going to do. Retch isn’t around here fronting for the kids and it’s only right you respect that because he’s teaching us to be aware of ourselves.

As time progresses I see nothing but prosperity oozing out his career which excites me because he deserves it.

I refer to him as “Uncle Retch” for the simple fact he teaches us unknowingly, he’s very generous in sharing the wealth of “Get it how you live” & encourages his supporters to keep going, now it’s up to you pay attention to the game he puts us up on. Yet and still no love lost, even though we don’t know him personally. It’s makes the fans happy to see him evolve into such a influential artist which inspires everyone to keep succeeding because life will always start changing for the better as long as you stay ten toes down, you enjoy it 1000x more as you can see with the visuals he post of quality carefree living.