I Don’t know how I feel about White People.

White People
I don’t know how I feel about white people.
“They coo” and I mean that in the most black way, well some of them.
I have white acquaintances for sure, I don’t go out of my way to wreak havoc on them, I’ve come to the conclusion I’m very neutral when it comes to “white people”.

I spent an hour trying to figure out what white person contributes to my peace in a sense and I’m starting to realize they don’t. Due to the fact we’re on two different spectrum’s of life because of race in general. I don’t expect them to do anything but have respect and respect the idea that they’ll more often than never sincerely understand.

I also wonder how white people feel being white.
I wonder if the white people with leveled comprehension skills are aware how much of burden white people can be to black people.
I wonder how the white people who keep it copacetic really feel about black people without disregard they’re probably still a little prejudice, I wonder do they accept that about themselves.
I wonder how it feels for white people to hear how unfavorable they are to mass majority of an entire race, even if they haven’t done anything wrong to them, because I know how it feels… I know how it feels to be effected by mere feelings but see, no matter how black people feel the chances are white people won’t even be effected by it.

I’ve always wondered are white people aware they have the tendency to embody the exact negative narrative they created about black people, I’m not scared of them but they scare me (that made sense if you’re black).
I don’t think white people live on high hopes in regards of their whole race… but then again maybe they do. It might be some white people who have sense and wish they’re race as a collective did better to—, but a part of me invalidates everything about a white person in a very respectful way.

I question everything about them and to say I’d be offended if they did the same to me is very true but they do.. so I understand.
I understand the difference between the two of us.
On my side of the fence we have our back against the wall because it’s safe there. While also having to acknowledge the fact that people who live in a different universe like to hop over the fence unwarranted to prove they deserve to be there. Mind you while of all this is happening in the back of our mind we’re reminded we’re not welcomed anywhere.

I wonder how this will read or how it will even be interpreted to a white person because I know they just won’t understand.
They don’t understand I’m very aware of my life because, because of them we don’t have the luxury to be kids, we have to take accountability that white people don’t have to take accountability for themselves. It’s so much I wonder and to think I’d be able to comprehend their justification unlike them who love to invalidate blackness and explanation. I just pay attention.
I just pay attention because it’s not safe to be black.

It’s not safe to be black

It’s not safe to be black but we been knew that
how could something so divine sometimes make me cry
I can’t explain it and I live it so I’m sure you can’t grasp it and I need you to understand that
we laugh so we don’t dwell in our sadness since all our tears are invalid

Many can’t relate but much rather sit in our face and soak up our grace to simply throw it back in our face while persistently trying to take our place

It’s not safe to be black but we been knew that
I’m uncomfortable, I’m worried, I’m smothered in feelings I’m not allowed to feel
for expression is mistaken for aggression although I thought I was just communicating
I trade my certainty for the opportunity to assure I can live to see another day
and that’s still not enough
I can’t relax anything can happen, to me, then be justified as tough love

You can’t relax when you’re on edge because you have to think however many seconds ahead of a trigger in order to escape your own fate

I think about the day I’ll die, the tears my family will cry
How as I lose my life my thoughts won’t be to reminisce but to think about everything differently I could’ve did when I didn’t even do anything to begin with

Our sadness is a party for uninvited pity, please believe I’m PROUD! just disappointed that the world frowns when they see me

It’s not safe to be black but we been knew that
It’s not safe to be black but for some reason only we can see that
It’s not safe to be black but nobody wants to talk about that, they much rather mention the way pants sag
It’s not safe to be black but I wouldn’t want to have it any other way and all my pride is built off that

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I hope you see this

I hope you see this, I hope you feel this
I hope you read this, I hope you see this
I hope when I see you I’m able to be mean to you, for i hope it makes you sad
although it’s clear you don’t care, let alone about me, therefore you’d probably be glad
unfortunately I can’t say I hate you because it wouldn’t be true.
I disregard my feelings to justify yours which is clear to be untrue.

I hope you read this, I hope you feel this
I hope you see this, I hope you feel this
even though I’m sure how I felt you can’t even deal with the idea of. Otherwise you wouldn’t have made me deal with while thinking of…
you.

I hope you read this, I know you’ll see this
I hope it makes you cry at night, when you’re alone, when you’re at home, but it probably wont so yet again I waste my time.