Just finished my 20th lap around the sun

I “risk” a lot being myself or staying true to who I am. By not compromising to become what other people want from me and only abiding by what I know to be authenticity, I’m not “universal”. Universal in this universe is to cater to one idea of personal discretion, people tend to start being selfish with you, who you are.

That’s not how I’m willing to live.

Overall the idea of all of that doesn’t necessarily bother me per say. I’m just always being reminded about how much better I’d be, If I were to present myself for the sake of admiration from other people. Which kind of comes across as who I am doesn’t hold much “significance” in retrospect of course. More often than not we are to be molded by someone who doesn’t even live up to their own expectations that they are forcing on you. (Family & society has a bad habit of doing this)

In addition to the social media craze being a guide to insanity, insecurity, and insincerity. It often makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong when you’re simply being yourself in some cases. It’s okay to feel like a failure, usually within the despair that comes with it is hunger to approach whatever better next time. Instead, as of late we’ve been questioning ourselves not for the greater good of ourselves to contribute to bettering us but how to make people like us. So “failure” hits harder since it’s not to be an option. As if it’s a incorrect way to be ourselves to begin with..

Everybody is different! That’s what creates versatility, if we were all on the same page we’d learn nothing new. If we all looked the same the beauty in art would seemingly decrease do to unappreciative outlook. If we all had the same personality we wouldn’t know how to function outside of what we’re use to. I read once “If it wasn’t for villains it would be no heroes.”

What is the point? Are we people pleasing, which is fine I just rather people not pass it for what it’s not and that’s a “I don’t give a fuck attitude” because you do. Are we setting a staple of boarder thinking? Are we longing to be liked, if not loved? Are we looking forward to monetary triumph? What’s the purpose of what we do? Who do we do it for? What do we mean to ourselves?

I read that after we’ve accomplished a goal we don’t realize that the importance was minute because we don’t know what to do next after wading in the success. If you put it into perspective after you’ve accomplished, obtained, or whatever you kind of forget about it. It’s no longer important, you’re bored, on to the next, you did it. Then what.

Point is there’s no blueprint to follow when staying truth to being original. I suppose being lost is part of it all since in the travels to the next destination we elevate.

Why

“People don’t even try to understand the misunderstood they just assume the know” – a direct quote from the marvelous me

WHY! Why?! Why? Why, Why?

If you look at “why” long enough you start to think you’ve misspelled it, if you continue you to look at it you notice how many ways it could’ve been spelled.

It’s starting to seem like nobody cares about the “why’s” in life or people solely identify them as excuses. Also when you hear “why?” you connect being skeptical when really it’s clarification.

Appreciate the Why’s, they help expand your ability to understand.

Essentially If you ask me… people confuse the explanations that come after “why?” with excuses and that’s discrediting to a persons mind/life experiences. Making it hard for someone to express themselves, truthfully that is.

Here I’m going to explain the importance of why “why” is important:

  1. If anything happens to you not in your favor and you ask “why me?” you can’t say the reasoning is necessarily wrong, IT’S THE REASON WHY!!! Whether it makes sense or not to at the time you’ll always hold onto the knowledge by thinking about it therefore it turns into learning.
  2. When you question someone about the method to their madness and they take the time to explain why to you, it’ll only make sense if you give it a chance to be comprehended with no judgement. If you think about it we are very judgmental because its easier to pass judgement since it doesn’t call for using emotions such a compassion and taking time to think as in comprehend.
  3. “Why” is just clarification without that you find yourself just developing an aspect of “understanding” by assuming. People do not grasp how selfish that is, assuming just feeds into your own ego, feelings, and thoughts solely. That’s not good. “Assume” is a verb meaning “Suppose to be the case, without proof PROOF in this instance is assurance which would come from clarification if it was to be acknowledged.

“Why” happens to be an adverb meaning “for what reason or purpose.” With that being said I look at “why’s” as overlooked introductions when getting to know people especially, but also life lessons. It’s uncut details if you think about it and that makes me be more coherent when dealing with people and just making choices while living.

P.S. Sorry if I might have caused any misdirected hope.. none of this information is applicable to the liars and manipulators. Be truthful about your “why’s”

the cover is from the Disney movie “Holes” It’s about building character in the hot sun.

The importance of experiencing how it feels to be alone.

Post 17

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity

You may call it loneliness but I see it as “Developing Independence”.

I use to think it was kind of pathetic that I didn’t experience the whole dating in middle school or throughout high school but I think I saved myself a lot of grief. I became okay with the possibility of me being alone because it was all I was use to. Now that I’m out of school, adulting, I notice how many people have ridiculous self esteem issues due to premature relationships BECAUSE they became dependent of another person assuring them they were of a certain standard and without that person they don’t know exactly who they are as an individual.

Individuality is 1a. Total character peculiar to and distinguishing an individual from others. b) personality

When I say “relationships” I’m not only speaking romantically, this also applies to the friendly. People have become accustom to trading the loyalty to themselves for popularity, how heart wrenching is that? To make up for that lack of self love they rather surround themselves around miscellaneous people instead figuring it out through the strength of themselves solely.

Being able to not depend on perfection for personal satisfaction did me a great justice. I know who I am without the persistent presence of particular individuals. Since I’m sure of myself, for the most part, no one can ever discredit me for being “bad” unless it is myself so I’ll never take offense to any opinionated nonsense about myself ever. I don’t find myself questioning my existence because I fully aware of who I’ll always be, or am becoming.

I figure the folks who still feel lonely even with a person or group are still oblivious to themselves so even though they’re around people… the people they choose to be around could possibly just be a poor choice in character. Yet who would necessarily know better if you don’t know what you desire for yourself, yourself.

Enjoying your alone time allows you to learn about yourself. Only making it easier for you to grasp what you deserve from people. Right now I’ve noticed a great few standing for nothing; which happens to be them as an person lacking self love, meaning they lack a reason to be prideful. Which means they’ll also fall for anything; referring to letting people in your life who aren’t deserving of them.

After you go through this phase of trial and error while “finding yourself” you just learn to appreciate yourself more with reason besides what you do for others.

It’s not a bad thing to be alone for a period of time, I feel like everyone should enjoy the time to themselves. People don’t really know how to appreciate their alone time without having a pity party with themselves because being alone is looked at as something being wrong, it’s nothing wrong with being or becoming back in tune with yourself.

Sidenote: Stop doing stuff for people and expecting them to like, admire, or love you for it so it can justify you being a good person. For one nobody cares unless they want to and secondly you do nice things because it’s good to be a kind person NOT for notoriety.

Wishing Peace, Joy, Prosperity, or whatever your in need of at this time to all of you.

xoxo

Enjoy this song + visual “Loner” by Kali Uchis