unapologetic – LEARN AS YOU LIVE

To whom, to those, to all! For what!

Being “misunderstood” plus unwilling to compromise I wonder do I still serve my purpose. I believe I was created to rebuild the mind of! I’ll sacrifice myself on behalf of producing a new mind, outlook on life, anything. I’m willing to give since I know the take will forever stand in the way of your thoughts.

I don’t recommend this to everyone, I’m okay because I can rebuild myself, when I what you can say “destroy” myself in a sense. In this process I also learn the reasons and motives of others making me be more understanding overall therefore the next person I come across can also gain a new level of mental/emotional, understanding.

I’m not sure why I feel the need to make this my responsibility, I take that back. I do this because it’s a lack of open-mess worldwide so if I can stress the aspects of difference being perfectly fine it’s the least I can do. It’s a way of helping develop the process of “understanding” become easier.

Trial and error taught me most of, as in 60% including my mother & sister being open with their trial and errors to go off of boosting it to probably 87%, not everyone is able to make mistakes.. openly. Let alone be okay with making a mistake and having the time to actually learn something from it. So the fact I can take advantage of that on behalf of those not able to you begin to think of it like you’re just doing a favor.

Now The mind is so complex even when people “think” they’ve disregarded what I’ve done keyword being WILLINGLY they go back on it trying to make it not make sense… essentially just making it make sense but not admitting it.. or at least admitting it openly. Which is fine. I don’t do it for notoriety but I figured out the discrepancy on why some people don’t favor me.

& With all the good comes the bad.

Unfortunately my biggest pet peeve when doing all this is some people are just unperceptive and it’s sad. I understood it’s the concept of being guarded. Being so closed off in order to “protect” yourself can eventually be equivalent to looking out a window with your eyes closed. You miss out on everything and just reiterate the idea of being scared of… whatever. All this is fine by the way I’m not here to tell you it’s wrong but to STRESS you can use me, whether it be in secret, bi-weekly, everyday. As a bit of “guidance” in many aspects of life as I continue learning as I live.

& all this applies to anything. I’m speaking on behalf of dealing with others for the most part.

I wonder does all that get overshadowed because of who I am and how I choose to be…

Unapologeticness or Unapologeticmess

post 19

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

Am i sorry for how i feel? Probably not, it’s how i feel. I know that sound very selfish but I’ve learned how to accept it because other people speak how they feel and do what they desire to do while “I” as an individual take it upon myself NOT to get extremely upset with a person and their feelings, thoughts of life but just remove myself instead if necessary. We’re free people/individuals/different/one of one or at least I am.

essentially i believe if i can others can to so no matter what i do … say.. or portray myself shouldn’t have anything to do with you if you don’t incorporate yourself in it.

Conflicted because I don’t know if I’m defending the ones we consider dickheads but at the same time I feel as if “it is what it is” a wise one once said “If it wasn’t for Villains it would be no Heroes”

Growing up I either heard or read “stand up for what you believe in even if you’re standing alone” I decided to incorporate that into my moral compass, mind you goes it both ways for anyone opposing you but I also feel as if you can waste your time if the person isn’t willing to be wrong or whatever the case may be. I write and I usually write from a perspective that’s not really respected because we relate to ourselves and it makes me realize life is a big contradiction among itself. We make decisions based off circumstances which is probably why my character is always on my mind so I can always be assure I’m sticking to “one side” of things to not seem flip floppy when indeed, it is what it is.. That’s where the “MESS” comes in.

Getting older I’m noticing the same reason people love me, respecting the theory of principle; standing by my feelings or thoughts; protecting what means to me. Happens to be the same reason they hate me especially if it doesn’t apply to their lifestyle per say. People disregard the power of the mind when they are set in stone, all this applies to those who read this and go against me or use their unapologeticness for what they deem “good” when really it’s only good for them and those who relate (sounds familiar?).

I also understand that some people present very very “incorrect” opinions about life but at the same time I’m content being aware they feel as such to know to stay away from them.

If people didn’t voice their feelings as such we’d be blind to how people sincerely feel! Regardless of how it effects me emotionally I just have to understand how they think or what made them feel as such.

I’m one to also have conversations with those who oppose me to understand their p.o.v BUT! without the intentions of starting an argument.

Overall am I d*ckhead or? I mean I don’t publicly voice to a person or try not at least, voice that a persons opinions is causing them to be less of a person. I’m getting tired of apologizing about how I feel even though I watch people present their opinions as facts while I’m just stating my perception as an opinion. After all if we’re being as technical as we’re becoming your opinion might be a fact to YOU, according to you! Therefore my opinion is also a fact…because it’s true to me.

I’ll be sure to update you when I find a correct balance that’s morally correct, even though sometimes doing the right thing isn’t “Morally” correct let alone “Politically” correct.

P.S No this is not directed to give Nazis, Rapist, Homophones, or any other of that BULLSHIT! A self righteous pass, Matter of fact I don’t even know why you’re here.

XOXO – Wishing Peace! Joy! & Prosperity!

No Title

I’m not forcing fandom onto anyone who couldn’t care less, I respect you.

I don’t completely know why I love, let alone how I do. As I write I realize I love because I know how it feels to not have, experience, or feel love and knowing my love can be for someone to have, experience, or feel warms my heart it really does. I also know my love isn’t distributed evenly I LOVE the misunderstood, the bad, the unorthodox which is what the world seems not to appreciate. Love is love to me it should be unconditional and I mean that with no guilt. I can learn from what a person deems as ” bad”.. I want to know why it’s so bad it doesn’t “deserve” love of any sort and that teaches me how to give it in many different circumstances because I can understand. As I write some more I realize knowing what I love, my emotions, the appreciation for my love can all get taken away brings me comfort since I’m use to disappearance. “Love” I always liked the idea of “Love” in all aspects of life but never took the time to live it..watching “love” during my years of growth I noticed people aren’t sincere with it and that brings the shock value down, if you aren’t sincere with it leave it alone. Being aware I’m putting something so pure into the universe unconditionally for others at the sake of myself ,sometimes, leaves me satisfied. Which sums it all up as “I love because it can bring me pain I use as growth to become better; newer while knowing someone took what I willingly gave does something for me”. I love because truthfully love can be so Painful but having the power to know I also won’t become a victim of it if I do not see the purpose in doing so keeps me aware I’m in control of me.

It’s easy. To easy. It’s convenient, It captures authentic anger, It’s an easy way for me to express I feel disrespected. It can sometimes be a natural reaction, It’s easy… It’s … convenient.

I stress I was on the fence about being a fan of “XXXTENTACION” being a person that separates artist from art… their art is how they release themselves, I can’t really take that from someone, I couldn’t find myself to stop listening to his music. After I found out he was an Aquarius, born a day after me, I took the time to really go back and learn about the young man the best I could. Which gave me a lot of clarity on his actions, he was vocal about how his mind worked, and he had pride..therefore I found myself “understanding him instead of making judgement” and I don’t regret that.

When I first watched the video I watched it just to see this young man, then I watched it again to really watch it, then I watched it again because I couldn’t answer these question honestly in my own head..which is where I should be the most comfortable, then I watched it again to finish assuring I comprehended it , then I watched it again to make sure I saw what I seen and comprehended what I understood, and I did all this crying because I felt bad for myself and him. Jahseh, X, was able to capture the dark truth which is something I more than appreciate and it encouraged/encourages me to be honest. We all go through trials and people try to sugar coat their vices to avoid embarrassment and critique and sometimes that’s what we need. It took his mistakes to be publicized and him to be crucified for him to really understand that he might not have understood. Mass majority of the world didn’t acknowledge that, mass majority of the world does not look at anything as a butterfly effect as in; because of this it’s that; because of that there is this .. and that is like that because possibly! It’s more than one way to live, learn, and grow. His growth was cut short and it bothers me, honestly, I know I went thru different levels of growth, anger, isolation to be who I am right now & I’m not done. So to see his effort went unappreciated to some, many, which I can’t imagine how discouraging that could be because 1 single person can mess us up mentally and slow you down. Picture thousands if not millions of people reminding you that you can’t become better to assure the same mistakes stop reoccurring while trying to become the person they want you to be. All of this ties into me because I can relate to the theory of growing and becoming in touch with new perspectives and I had to learn that not everyone grows at the same time and if you arent willing to help someone who is willing to help themselves then you contribute to the problem.. XXXTENTACTION death showed me everyone has deep-rooted hate in them, well solidified the idea, and I’m here walking among these same people trying to assure myself it’s nothing wrong with me for being able to speak on MYSELF truthfully regarding the good, bad, and ugly while people are in denial about their own truths.

I’m not forcing fandom onto anyone who can couldn’t care less, I respect you I’m just displaying how I learn as I live.

I’d love to know why you love and why you hate. You can message me personally or comment

XOXO

LONG LIVE XXXTENTACION MAY HE REST IN PEACE