HELL N HIGH WATER (24)

I had to overshare like this as my last step to let go.

I’ve held me down in many ways, being I’ve kept all my secrets and I simply do not care to care anymore.
“You’re such an old soul.”, “You’ve been here before.”, “How are you so wise?” Is what the people say and I’m none of that. I just had to mature faster than I was suppose to, I’ve been through a lot, seen even more, and my wisdom comes from reminiscing pain by hoping to not make the same mistakes I witnessed first hand…. yet I find myself having to start over again and again. ‘Free’ – Deneiece Williams

“Have you ever lost your everything friend?”
“Do you miss your GRANDmother?”
“Have you ever been chilling and just get annoyed with everything that exist and you can feel your temperament rising?”
“Who raised you? Yourself?”

I’ve been living uncomfortably all my life until the last like 2 months. I don’t mean this in any way more than the lack of self efficiency when understanding the development of my frustrations. As it’s so hard to be mad at things you LOVE or are taught to LOVE more than yourself. The frustration of essentially having nobody for such a long time to get people who eventually still disappear. The frustration of knowing what you should be doing, doing, then crashing right back down because your momentum is destroyed due to depression. BUT you keep trying to end up just more tired and more “irritated” because you don’t want to try but you know you’re worth a lot more, to others, than just giving up even though nobody is helping you up either. ‘Mad’ – Solange ft. Lil Wayne

I’m 24 today and to say I’m surprised isn’t the correct word. I’m impressed quite plainly. I have noticed I have no eagerness to live probably from being burnt out from having to survive. I’m 24 but catching up with the childhood I didn’t have a chance to experience while also growing up and experiencing life from an adult perspective. It’s not that it’s difficult but it’s severely tiresome, it’s confusing. I’m playing catch up and undoing all bad things that were done to me that I took personally while reminding myself I’m deserving of good things in general. I’m also tired. I’m ready, to stop self sabotaging. 

I’ve experienced some things that I never realized truly bothered me as I’ve just brushed them off, so I thought, and that resulted in me being “mean”? “aggressive”? “quiet”, “unforgiving”, due to circumstances beyond my control sometimes; I lost my grandmother at 4! I remember that series of events vividly. My first bestie, my first memories, my first defense in favor of me just being!! GONE. Forever thankful for my infinite Angel, oh how I miss her. I’ve been sexually assaulted twice, my father has been in prison since I was a newborn[I just now stopped resenting him for that, yet it’s a lack of respect that will probably remain but I digress.] I don’t have too many childhood memories, worth repeating. (A trauma response or maybe lack of childhood completely.) I don’t have many childhood photos either actually.[which is why I love my photo albums so much.] I’d have a 5 year old right now if I didn’t miscarry and nobody knows that unless you’re someone that’s reading this right now. I grew up with a very hard working single mother, so from like 3rd grade til 12th off but mainly on. I was walking myself to school and home..just home alone for the most part for a very long time[which is probably why I hate co dependency or don’t understand it as I never got the chance to experience it.] OR I found myself wanting to be in the house with my family, but not wanting to explain that a part of me is enjoying the fact I’m not home alone! So it might’ve looked like I had an unhealthy attachment to being a homebody, let alone my mother [but realistically although I was around my mother I didn’t get the opportunity to truly spend time with the woman growing up! and I actually like her as a human being so to be able to catch up on time became important to me.] So now with that background knowledge imagine how annoying it is to hear “you’re boring.” Yet it’s nothing I was willing to do about that because people didn’t know the underlying details of my life to understand why I am how I am, as I also didn’t see the benefit of sharing like I am now. [lol inner child healing they call it.] I have LITTLE[less than 10] to no extend relatives like cousins as they simply aren’t good people among other things.[and I will never subject myself to endure in the name of a bloodline that has done nothing but contribute to said trials]. So the family dynamic I unintentionally built up through this website & internet is sincerely the most I have, and I am extraordinarily thankful for it.

(all this makes me cry when I speak about it or as I type it up I start to tear up.) 
I started working on this blog mid November or so. Around that time I realized what my problem was and it has taken me til the week of January 5th to not cry when I reread or work on it and that’s also why it’s written in present and past tense.

I’ve learned to understand every walk of life in order to respect what I’ve learned from it but I’ve never taken the time to be upset or feel in general because my time is taken up being a team player. I just carry my hurt. 

I carry my hurt and then wonder why I’m so angry and feel entitled to experiencing better. When really I’m angry because I know I deserve better than victimizing myself  wasting time trying to figure out what doesn’t make sense. Like being broken up with completely sporadically to leave me wondering for a year+ “What did I do?” to be told “You didn’t do nothing.” but still it’s been too long and the betrayal was too strong so now… you have a hard time getting use to people romantically as you think “something’s got to be wrong with me?” then you develop a habit of being pretty careless since you’re waiting for people to leave, like they always do. <That break up made me cry every day/night for a year, I was my most angry and easily irritated + It has to be a science to it because I was always 1 to have a nightmare occasionally. Then after that I started having intense nightmares every night to the point I’d wake up shaking. Which is another set back that’s adds onto the frustration because sleep is suppose to be a form of peace and I feel like, better yet I know, my abandonment issues follow me into my sleep? Pathetic, embarrassing to explain as well.>  Or the fact people usually only want me on their own terms/time and once I’m no longer beneficial or so selfless suddenly my character is soooooooo jaded. Yet with that common knowledge I’m still a serial team player[probably because I know how it feels to be inconvenienced by this life shit from a lack of having help/companionship and I don’t ever want to be an inconvenience as such]. So I disregard the fact people are more often then not manipulative. Therefore I am often manipulated in the sake of being over-standing so again, I get upset. Unfortunately my upset boils over into misdirected aggression resulting in me shutting everybody out. ‘Bag Lady’ – Erykah Badu

My days and coping mechanisms have gotten better specifically when I started putting me first.
I did something for someone a few days ago and it didn’t make me feel good, the way it made them feel good and I thought…”Yea, I need to consider the fact I just disregarded me to satisfy someone else.” Like why do I not feel the same importance to honor me as I sacrifice parts of myself to aid people who I feel are of that importance?

I use to be like “I’m so glad I’m not a victim of this cruel world.” Whole time… I too am a victim as such. It’s just the fact I was a victim of my circumstances due to the same world I thought I was outsmarting but really just adapting to emotional unavailability. Which cut my emotional intelligence short and that deprived me from being emotional in general [I didn’t cry for a very* long time]. But we’ve learned! as we’ve lived and we have taken accountability to not only try to undo BUT change because I myself recognize I deserve to do better presented by me, myself, and I. It’s all about knowing you deserve better and being aware you know better than what you decide to do, based on comfort, and you navigate from there. Bettering yourself is easier to think about rather than to do when you’ve become use to the repetitiveness. For me at least it was always easier to stay linear to comfort as I knew the outcome of dealing the same s***. I knew it was an issue but the fact working with the “issue(s)” instead of working on myself was just… easier. You gotta want [it] more than you want s*** to just work! ‘Self Love’ – Mavi

FRIENDS

Finding friends has always been “hard” for me. In grade school I didn’t have many friends, I was just there which was fine as I didn’t really talk much in my younger days. Middle school I thought I had some friends but to be fully aware people might not actually like you but it’s nothing you can do about it because they’re all you got is… what it is. Now at my bigger age I have finally found my people. Oh how I adore them, to be embraced by, valued by, loved on, I love my friends. I think everyday I give thanks for “my people”, I finally found my people. I’ll probably never be able to explain why I value my friends the way I truly do(but I’m about to try). It’s nothing more than they allow me to see and enjoy the capability of true love from a world that has given me such a hard f****** time. My friends, it’s an interesting dynamic as they believe I’m so kind and so on. As I like to say in return “I’m a reflection of you.” but it’s the truth. [So sometimes I wonder if they’re aware they’re some of the sweetest beings as what they extend to me I send right back.] It took this year for me to really realize I needed people, foreal. Nothing makes me happyer than the fact I have people now. People I mean something to, not even from a validating standpoint they just look forward to me!!!! Even as I’ve went through my personal battles among myself they are still happy I’m here with no expectations of me other than to show up. I’m loved, and I’ve never felt that before [which is why my lust life created a very desperado version of me]. I’m aware I have been appreciated by many but I am also aware I was not loved as a whole being. If anything I was encouraged to change and now I’m around some people who love me because I am me, and I Try. Wholeheartedly. They teach me, they nurture me in ways they’re unaware of. Nothing will ever bring me as much joy or satisfaction as my loved ones, my friends. Which is why I get so damn upset when men try to infiltrate the importance of what friendship is to me to satisfy their sexual desires, it offends me deeply. My friendships are personal to me, to trust me enough to share your world with me?! I can get to know you? It makes you wanna stay on earth and look forward to being here as you look forward to the people around you. It’ll forever be my honor to do right by who have provided me with what I thought I didn’t need because I never experienced it without sufferance as a co-sign to prove my worthiness to know what it felt like to have love, kindness, patience, and appreciation extended to me with no stipulations. ‘Family’ – Blood Orange ft. Janet Mock

And of course I still find myself struggling in someways some days but I keep trying with the best of my efforts, truth behind my intent, and being prepared to take accountability of the part I’ve played in whatever to help me as my emotions emote. Like I said after a while you get tired and you really realize your eagerness to DO BETTER than what’s been done outweighs your weary. This is coming from someone who had the tendency to sabotage the good just to be comforted by the sad because that’s all I knew how to be and now I’m deciding it’ll probably be easier to be… me, in the best ways I can be. ‘RUNITUP’ – Tyler, The Creator

| THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU IN EVERY PLACE, SPACE, OR TIME— WISHING EVERYBODY BETTER, PEACE, JOY, PROSPERITY, and SINCERE LOVE. ALWAYS N ALL WAYS | 

XOXO 

I had to start over 1000 times and this is probably my 11th life but I am here, willing to start again if need be. 

Full Circle Half Empty

my life has been full circle the last couple months, may i humbly say…i’d consider it “complete”[as time has progressed i have decided that my life in its entirety isn’t “complete” but more specifically a phase..the first one…in which i’ve been working on for years.]
also a part of me goes back in forth with the idea i might be thinking to “low” when i say that, but honestly it feels right to say. and when i change my mind to consider i might be wrong.. it’s really not from the perspective of me but more so what the world pushes you to feel about your everything.
it’s always more that can be done or obtained and for whatever reason being comfortable is never enough.
oh the irony in that! [when you’re hardbody and think about how sweet a soft day would be. or when you’ve adapted to being uncomfortable for such a long time, when s*** isn’t hard you don’t know how to function with leisure.]

*a conversation for another day would be how comfort is being given the same context as greed, but that’s neither here nor there right now.

i assume i’ll never be 100% with the dynamics that make up my everything as nobody is perfect but i consider myself a circle and at this time im full as in complete but empty.
maybe my circle isn’t complete because i always find myself getting halfway full then it starts to deplete then.. i wake up and it’s empty. and honestly i don’t feel anyway about it because i’ve taken the time out of living too understand myself more and it’s more to be understood(for example why can’t i maintain happyness? or whatever that fills up my circle. CERTAINTY!!! for example i manage to get to like 66% these days before it’s time to try it all over again.)

as i’ve lived, i feel like i make progress then i find myself reliving shit i thought i learned from. eventually i caught on to the fact i adapted to damaged control ~ although i knew the outcome of what i was doing, unfavorable or not, it gave me a sense of control when navigating it.
which is so silly.
and this full circle half empty reoccurrence is life reliving that ..but maybe emotionally?[i wish i could go back in time to just watch how many days i’d maintain peace. to know if on average growing up i managed to have…let’s say..11 good days before it was just striped from under me and now my brain just allows me 11 then self destructs as a natural reaction, get me?]
in addition to that im not sure about much of anything or how to even assess anything after that last sentence but i will say, im alright or my best self right now. yet it’s a form of emptiness that comes with that called “well what’s next?” what do i do now.

full circle half empty by me

and as i write im starting to realize that, that the “emptiness” i maintain is because im to busy dwelling on the fact i don’t have the answers as i always do and it’s no problem to solve to know anything.. so now im just doing on my own accord… and i know no freedom as such that’s equivalent to freedom of self where you figure stuff out beyond what you’re use to.

i have a slight theory that i have advanced passed “damage control” to understand that i have no eagerness to partake in self sabotage out of curiosity, boredom, or uncertainty as an escape goat for what might just be me experiencing a pure form of peace.
im chilling.
so within that theory im stuck at a place of not having the answers while being eager to experience to contribute to what has become FULFILLING TO ME.

truth be told im also slightly scared that maybe if i take this time to just enjoy how far i’ve come, maybe im missing out or could be using my time better.[but what’s better than self awareness/growth?]
i notice that i have to remind myself, a lot of things, but that uncertainty is just me seconding guessing myself.

{its a note to self on this page that says “i should really just take the time to enjoy a picnic to be proud of the fruit im bearing from my labors before my back starts hurting or start spilling fruit.”}

i hope everybody is taking time to get right with themselves as your just as important as the elements you make up
WISHING EVERYBODY PEACE x JOY x PROSPERITY
always, all ways
XOXO

I’m Doing Fine.

I’ve officially outgrown my desire for likes and all that superficial shit because what I put into the world is timeless, it’s enjoyed by those who need to experience it. And that itself I’m thankful for.

I find myself stumbling across opportunities to work with and become friends with people who once inspired me, and that’s because of me as a person and my persistence. I feel like that’s enough honestly because I’m proud they see what they’ve contributed to. Especially while I feel like you can say I’m a “nobody” if you solely base my online presence over my ability to preform, which I understand if you do.

All in all I’m being recognized, acknowledged, and appreciated behind closed doors for sure, in the very least, which is fine by me.

It’s a bigger everything to every action and I’m no longer eager to be what the world deems “successful” because I’ve successfully figured out how to allow my words, art, + everything else to co-exist in the world without expectation, which has humbled my disappointment and feeling of being “disregard”.

I’m chilling. I’m growing up. I’m learning. I still feel like I’m great but just don’t know what I’m doing, but I do know Ima be alright. I’m no longer splitting my attention and dedication with “seeking”— resulting in throwing off my ability to be focused on what I, can, do! I’m excited and underwhelmed. I’m proud of me.

Like I say “I don’t think I’m anything, I know I’m everything. And everything isn’t meant for everybody” that’s the truth. It’s okay. It was a tweet (if I can find it I’ll link it) but it said something along the lines of “you become disconnected when you look at your talents as a commodity that’s not paying off.” And now that I’ve gotten over that… I feel more certain about what I’m doing and can’t wait to do more instead of feeling like I’m failing, I’m doing fine.

I feel back to normal, when I started all this I did it to get my feelings off mainly. I wanted to be open about not know, being wrong, and whatever else that comes with life and somewhere along the journey of just talking on the internet I got greedy. The society I was battling I joined forces with unintentionally and let it slow me down. And I had the nerve to allow it to make me question what I know best about myself. Being that I can write!!

Talk to y’all later! Wishing everybody Peace x Joy x Prosperity always, all ways – Aunty

xoxo

Why I stopped saying “nigga”

With the whole “don’t say nigga unless you’re black” rhetoric going I feel the need to cover the importance of respecting that on a wider spread before I just jump in on why I stopped using the word.

• What It Means: The word “Nigga” is derived from “Nigger”. If you aren’t familiar with what a “Nigger” is it’s a noun (considered offensive) USED as an INSULTING AND CONTEMPTUOUS term FOR a BLACK PERSON, also USED as an INSULTING and CONTEMPTUOUS term FOR a MEMBER OF ANY DARK SKIN RACE, and (now often, still considered offensive) A MEMBER OF A CLASS OR GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO ARE SYSTEMATICALLY SUBJECTED TO DISCRIMINATION AND UNFAIR TREATMENT. [minding you that the last usage of the word still very much so correlates with black/dark skin people thank you.] It is a word that is “still at the center of anti-Black verbal distortions” if you’re black you can attest to the fact you’ve been called “nigger” in today’s time. The African American Registry was kind enough to provide a well written explanatory breakdown “Nigger (the word), a brief history” on the origin of the word, including the widespread derogatory meanings and what it meant to be considered a “Nigger”.
• What is a “Nigga”: Nigga is a form of “Black Pride”. African Americans had to endure a lot of torture behind being a “Nigger” and as time progressed black people felt it would be benignant to take what was once detrimental to them and show that it no longer has the power to hold any weight. [with that being said, our African American Black ancestors had to fight for that! Which is why the fight continues through anyone who feels the need to press the issue on why a non black person shouldn’t say nigga] Yes it showcases oppression and yes you’re ethnicity was probably oppressed too but the line that is drawn in between both sides happens to be Black so let Black people be in regards of Black history and what it means to be Black in America, let alone anywhere, without feeling as if they have to accept the actions of everyone when in plain sight our actions doesn’t even get allowed justification in regards of why the respect is Mandated, let alone the least that can be allotted to us without argument.

here we have real feelings/words from real people,

“Well at first before I found out being Afro Rican was a thing I wouldn’t say my family was anti black my dads side is my moms isn’t but I knew two ways the word could be used one in a derogatory way and one which was just slang that had no “bad meaning” to it but I would say it and I never got checked for it EVER but anybody else that wasn’t black would get checked for it people would say but you Puerto Rican you from the hood so you get a pass not even mentioning that I was dark or not but as I grew older being taught that Boricuas like myself have that African DNA more than other Boricuas it made sense so now I’m one of them people doing the checking some people you can put in they place some you cant they’ll keep saying it I don’t condone non black people saying it even if they genuinely mean it as how we would use it but that’s just the way mfs grew up saying that word so its something they’re used to however they can unlearn that shit” – via twitter, @D0ntGetChipped

“Honestly …. I’m one of those people it depends what you’re using the word for… if it’s in a song I won’t really care I won’t lie, but if you’re directing it toward someone else no matter their race I’m like “who a nigga?” Tf?” – via instagram, @im.asil

“Me personally, I’m not sensitive to it. I disagree more for the fact that blacks can’t have anything for themselves without other groups feeling entitled. Esp people who aren’t white but aren’t black. Whites too, but other groups hide behind the fact that we crack down on whites its frustrating in general for blacks to be the core of the culture, yet diminished by every group. Which is apart of the game I guess. but the second we understand our value is the day we can see progression. synonymous to the artists v. businessman argument.” – via twitter, @nappyhednegress

When you are a White person and you don’t honor the wishes of a Black Person telling you to stop saying “nigga” understand how you just looked over black history, black people as a whole, and you may deem it not a big deal but that should let you know you have no business saying it because you can’t understand it, you don’t live it, and clearly you don’t even respect it therefore majority rules you have no business even trying to be apart of it. Even when you say “I don’t mean it like that” you disregard black history/black people because that’s what it means and that’s what comes with saying it.

It’s nothing wrong with being wrong if you’re willing to correct your ignorance. Ignorance is the lack of knowledge with willingness to be informed while stupidity is closed minded negligence in regards of taking the opportunity to understand and gain perspective/knowledge.

• Why I Stopped saying “Nigga” It took me a good while to realize I used it to dehumanize and/or disregard the value of a Black Man. I only referred to Men as “N****s”, simply because I felt like they weren’t aligning with that it was to be a Man so I didn’t refer to them as one and not once did I think it to be offensive because I’m black myself, “my friends say it”, “I grew up where everybody says it”, “I’ve been hearing it all my life”. So as of now I refrain from saying it in general. What made me realize that I was doing this is watching a White Hispanic lady who says “Nigga” turn around and get into a conflict with Black People and say “Y’all just a bunch of Niggas” without realizing the connotation that came with that, hence why it’s was not preferred for her to say it in the first place. Me being Black wasn’t justification for my blatant stupidity. So now I’ve taken the initiative to equate Black Men to what they are which are Men, Guys, Dudes, and I feel good about that. Hopefully my negligence, the feelings from others, and origin history encourages you to not only reconsider but understand the fight on why it’s absurd to have it in your vocabulary anyways.

“Not subject to any conditions”

As I get older I realize I’m to genuine to be involved with people frivolously. I can’t half ass my sincerity so I rather not deal with anything as such regardless of the potential of what could be.

I hate conditional everything that has to do with a bond I share with anyone!

I just can’t accept it willingly. It makes me uncomfortable in a sense and as I get older I find myself finding comfort in people. Possibly due to my lack of family, so any time I invite someone in I try to assure them comfort. I enter every bond with the idea it’ll be long term, long term comes with the ability to understand, feel, and whatever else makes any kind of relationship strong to you but what is that if it’s under certain terms and conditions. Conditional is a lack of respect, trust, and belief.

I notice people love the sense of security I give them but don’t offer it back. Maybe they don’t know how to be unconditional.. maybe all their life they’ve only experienced a bond under conditions that didn’t offer them everlasting comfort and stability.

A part of me always wants to prove my unconditional everything by offering the ability to understand they might need to adjust to the lifestyle. While my wisdom recognizes that some people don’t even care to try.. probably due to a lack of belief and I’d hate to prove them right by removing myself from them completely. When you’re this unconditional we speak of you always end up offering your presence under any circumstances it’s just up to the recipient to accept and or acknowledge it.

I find myself wishing the world was more sincere, wishing people knew the importance of everything they do with emphasis on how they receive people, wishing we took a little more accountability for our actions without having to be reminded.

Short Sermon: Natural Expressions

It’s not to many benefits when it comes to suppressing your feelings you only burden yourself in regards of your emotions.

Allow yourself to be furious, allow yourself to be gloomy, allow yourself to be heartbroken, allow yourself to feel betrayed, allow yourself to feel disappointed, just allow yourself to feel.

Feelings aren’t a form of weakness, they are natural expressions.

Emotions push our growth, they help grace the process of a different learning.

When you suppress your feelings you don’t allow yourself to get over it, instead you fall under it. Somethings will always bother you of course it’s life but somethings don’t deserve as much time as others. When you void the process of understanding you become stuck on particular situations trying to understand them instead of just feel and progress.

Resulting in Regression.

Don’t neglect you’re happiness by spending to much time on what makes you grieve.

Wishing everybody much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity! All ways, Always.

Short Sermon: Spiritual Envy

When you become one with a certain stature of self awareness and sincerity regarding who you are, what you do, along with how you treat people it’s hard to not take the actions of others personally.

No one asks of me to wear my heart, feelings, sensibility, or ability to be whatever on my sleeve but I do so because that’s how I flow. I’m not afraid of the hurt that might come with being so receptive. Such as being emotionally distressed, spiritually disconnected, just completely blindsided by the actions of others it’s all growing pains I appreciate when not used against me.

I understand I might sound too good to be true due to me being straightforward and with that I feel as if you should be proud I see something in you to allow you to ultimately share me with you, in any aspect.

When someone gets the opportunity to infiltrate the secure element you’ve created for yourself I feel like it’s done on purpose. That individual knew they didn’t have what it took, yet they decided to move forward and disrupt instead of self assist in the hopes of becoming better or even realizing that something wasn’t for them.

Selfish.

You can not be sensible and fully unaware of your actions. I know you can’t. I take all actions against me personal because retrospectively it’s a form of attack. You couldn’t conquer me therefore you rather destroy. In the hopes you don’t feel lonely at the bottom of self despair since sinking down is easier than growing up.

Protect yourself, your energy, element, and aura because you’re in control of that. People much rather focus on you and create a diabolical plan to tear you down since they see you as the structure they can’t find the strength to build themselves to become what they long to be.

Spiritual Envy is a different kind of evil.

Wishing everybody much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity! All ways, Always.

Just finished my 20th lap around the sun

I “risk” a lot being myself or staying true to who I am. By not compromising to become what other people want from me and only abiding by what I know to be authenticity, I’m not “universal”. Universal in this universe is to cater to one idea of personal discretion, people tend to start being selfish with you, who you are.

That’s not how I’m willing to live.

Overall the idea of all of that doesn’t necessarily bother me per say. I’m just always being reminded about how much better I’d be, If I were to present myself for the sake of admiration from other people. Which kind of comes across as who I am doesn’t hold much “significance” in retrospect of course. More often than not we are to be molded by someone who doesn’t even live up to their own expectations that they are forcing on you. (Family & society has a bad habit of doing this)

In addition to the social media craze being a guide to insanity, insecurity, and insincerity. It often makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong when you’re simply being yourself in some cases. It’s okay to feel like a failure, usually within the despair that comes with it is hunger to approach whatever better next time. Instead, as of late we’ve been questioning ourselves not for the greater good of ourselves to contribute to bettering us but how to make people like us. So “failure” hits harder since it’s not to be an option. As if it’s a incorrect way to be ourselves to begin with..

Everybody is different! That’s what creates versatility, if we were all on the same page we’d learn nothing new. If we all looked the same the beauty in art would seemingly decrease do to unappreciative outlook. If we all had the same personality we wouldn’t know how to function outside of what we’re use to. I read once “If it wasn’t for villains it would be no heroes.”

What is the point? Are we people pleasing, which is fine I just rather people not pass it for what it’s not and that’s a “I don’t give a fuck attitude” because you do. Are we setting a staple of boarder thinking? Are we longing to be liked, if not loved? Are we looking forward to monetary triumph? What’s the purpose of what we do? Who do we do it for? What do we mean to ourselves?

I read that after we’ve accomplished a goal we don’t realize that the importance was minute because we don’t know what to do next after wading in the success. If you put it into perspective after you’ve accomplished, obtained, or whatever you kind of forget about it. It’s no longer important, you’re bored, on to the next, you did it. Then what.

Point is there’s no blueprint to follow when staying truth to being original. I suppose being lost is part of it all since in the travels to the next destination we elevate.