You don’t love me like you use to

Post 11

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

Accept the fact people are only going to generally like the idea of you let alone y’all together, once you’re realistic with that it’ll contribute to making life a little easier to live. 

The “bright” side to that is just know you’re indented in their mind forever. The potential love interest just goes around looking for you in someone else & when they think they found it best believe it’s not authentic so the outcome is disastrous. Even though it might hurt you to watch from a distance because your actually at peace enough to wish the other person the best of luck you can’t intervene. Yes it might hurt you to watch someone you once adore burn in flames but it is what it is. 

It took me years to understand “you love the idea of me”, the “idea” why would you like the idea of me and not the actual me being with you, you can have me but you rather dream of what we could’ve been, stupidity such as that I’ve accepted as “dodging a bullet” because in their head it’s okay and they don’t see how it doesn’t make any sense because they’re to busy being superficial. 

I respect it everybody lives differently, I’ll go ahead and give someone the benefit of doubt and say they’re looking out for me by not being greedy with my presence and leaving me emotionally distraught. Think of it as “Ideas turn into dreams until you move forward into making them reality” & without the actual you in the persons life that’ll never happen so they have no choice but to settle for a lesser value of a person. 

It’s never bad on your behalf because by the time you realize all of this your patiently waiting or them to get it together, I suppose most carry on with their life, because you see the potential together as a unit. The love was unconditional and sincere so it’ll always be something there whether it’s through a simple friendship or admiration from a distance. 

Live easy, the end. 

Love is all about willingness 

Post 10

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

Are you willing to sacrifice your own sanity to conform so who you’re in love with is satisfied ? Is it selfish to not want to?

Willingness is slightly different from being selfless, Willingness is a noun regarding the QUALITY or state of being prepared to do something; readiness. While selflessness was addressed in a previous post, Selflessness is an adjective meaning one can be more CONCERNED with the needs and wishes of others than with one’s own: unselfish. Personally I would consider Willingness just the ability to know you’re in control of what you decide to tolerate and whether you even want to tolerate it.

When you’re in love it’s a necessity you compromise, right, and along with compromising comes tolerance and the fine line between the two gives you willingness, tolerance revolves around being annoyed but the good outways the bad so the time spent being uncomfortable is….what you can say “alright”, you can complain but choose not to.

I believe that people adapted to taking your willingness for granted but it’s your will, so realistically you’re not selfish you’re just doing what you desire to do.

Understand that a person can be willing but they can just as tired and eventually the willingness will not exist so don’t try to manipulate it, to balance it out and do not take take take I encourage you be considerate. To be willing is not to mind the hurt, be okay with the truth regardless of how displeasing it can be, and always keep the well being of yourself in mind.

Learn to mind your business, you are your own person who consider different things to be “acceptable” oppose to the next person. I’m reminding you of this because people give themselves the right to determine how the next person should react to life and your concern might just be appreciated but understand that’s all it will ever be sometimes. The advice, opinion, or whatever it is does not effect the lifestyle of a person who see nothing wrong with how they are living. Mind your business!

Learn to use your words

Use your words, we stress to communicate yet barely communicate because we don’t want to make people feel momentarily uncomfortable.

What makes us afraid to simply “talk” ? Are we afraid that we’ll be looked at crazy? Or maybe the thoughts are selfish and that’s frowned upon.

If we were to communicate better we would gravitate towards people that are more understanding regarding wherever our minds are at. That would eliminate the burden of having someone nonchalantly disagree with you simply because they don’t understand where you’re coming from. People can easily assume your wrong because of a misunderstanding or assumptions and that’s why it’s easier to not communicate in general. It’s difficult to “speak your peace” because you’ll like the presence of someone to the point you don’t want them to go so you don’t elaborate on how you feel since you don’t want them to necessarily leave.  Respect the fact that words can be physiological wounds in some instances, momentarily, and if a person desires to leave accept it. 

Communication isn’t only necessary in the relationships but in day to day life, when you’re dealing with the world it’s important you keep a structured way of thinking. Remember everyone is free to be opinionated you should learn how to  discuss your thoughts in a non-aggressive way so it’s no hard feelings just mutual understandings.

The cover of this piece is from the movie “Fences” starring Denzel Washington and Viola Davis. 

“People think I’ve changed on them”

Why can’t people accept the fact you can outgrow them? It’s never personal, you should actually be proud of me! Encourage me to go even further. It’s no love loss just more knowledge to be gained, you should adapt to getting away from people who don’t want to see you grow up instead of being in a stagnant place in life. Those type of people probably just want you around for entertainment purposes and that extremely toxic.

It’s unfortunate that people think because you can days without talking to them they’ve done something wrong, which makes me wonder.. “what did you do?”, and they feel like they need an explanation on why you stopped communicating with them, momentarily for the most part. Understand we just don’t relate anymore it’s okay no hard feelings I wish you the best, you won’t be forgotten.

It’s sad that people live with the thoughts you must stay extremely close to people in order to avoid conflict of you being labeled as “fraud”. Maybe the person that’s being “left behind” should incorporate some type of positive change in their life so they aren’t focused on what others are doing in a somewhat negative way. I can’t believe people give grief over someone prospering. I get it a lot of friendships end over people “changing” in good or bad ways but the good is always mistaken for “snob-like” behavior so it turns into envy and people feel like they can disrespect you quite often because “who do you think you are?” 

To wrap it all up I just encourage people to understand sometimes you won’t relate with certain people as you continue to grow. Don’t make the person feel bad for prospering in fact just be apart of their support system, nine times out of ten they forever love you for that.

What people don’t tell you about loving yourself.

My biggest fear is to love someone more than I love myself.

Once you adapt to loving yourself unconditionally you fall deeply in love with who you are. Even though that might just sound like the life to live you don’t realize how much of a box you place yourself in! You feel like people can never give you the love you give yourself, so what do you need them for? Which is extremely sensible but the unfortunate part is you cut developing a bond people short without knowing a potential outcome. You feel like “If you cause me stress I don’t cause myself why would I want you in my life.” I’ve come to grips with acknowledging how unrealistic that mind frame is due to the fact every relationship has its cloudy days. Yet and still, I’ll live.

When you love yourself you don’t look for validation of yourself in others! You aren’t exactly what people would call self-centered but you know what works for you and how your vibe flows. I’m not saying you feel like you’re better than the next person, it’s just all about self-respect. So much time has been invested into yourself you don’t have time to waste on anything not contributing to the bettering of you.

After a while you become okay with the fact you might just be single for the rest of your life because its like you can finish living carelessly when it comes to another persons feelings. BUT at least you have yourself. Oppose to living life with the mind frame of “what if” or simply settling for less because that’s what’s around at the moment. If you stay true to yourself you’ll always have a piece of mind to hold when in distress, the opinion of yourself is not compromised because you are fully aware of the truth.

For as many pros it is it’s also cons and they are all developed psychologically because you love you. When you love yourself you become overprotective you constantly remind yourself how much you owe yourself to always stay true to your own decisions. You hope people understand where you’re coming from even though you don’t care because in your head you know what you mean, you see the potential within yourself. Under the circumstances of no one besides yourself is any change involved knowing change could be great only in the process of overtime growth oppose to someone demanding a change to benefit them. 

Even though you know what’s wrong & what’s right your actions are souly to accommodate you & you become real unapologetic for it.  

Selfish or Selfless

• Aloof – (a•loof) Adjective, Not Friendly or Forthcoming; cool and distant.

“They were courteous but faintly aloof.”
An informal way to call someone aloof is “Standoffish”

I wonder are you born in such a solemn state of living or is it something you develop over time. From a personal stand point I definitely feel like I developed an unemotional lifestyle regarding things an average person would’ve consider sentimental from trials and tribulations such as Friendly Rejection or not having a close knit family, after repeated unacceptance from peers you start to keep to yourself & self reflect, resulting in bettering yourself. When your family isn’t typically “close” certain things just don’t bother you for instance … When Holidays come around I’m in a cool but distant state of mind since it’s only my mother, sister and an occasional cousin here and there, I love them everyday so my love doesn’t increase during the end of year, there is no reason. A con to this is you feel like everyone should relate to your lifestyle of not being emotionally attached all the time, and that’s the selfish perspective. For example I’m good for feeling like “If it doesn’t bother me it damn sure shouldn’t have bothered you” therefore I won’t necessarily care about the other persons feelings regarding the situation because it’s not a big deal theoretically. I also feel as if that characteristic makes me a more solid individual because my actions aren’t based on emotion but solely my personal preference when it comes to decision making.

• Magnanimous – (Mag•nan•I•mous) Adjective, Vey Generous or forgiving, especially toward a rival or someone less powerful than ones self.

“Her magnanimous contributions to the art world.”

Selfless, hopeless but not regarding yourself, selfless because you cater to others. Someone’s presences can bring you so much happiness you never want to miss spending anytime with them. The love for someone/something takes all of you literally, you become more concerned on something that’s not you … you don’t know who you are anymore, but that’s fine! Selflessness can be beautiful because you aren’t looking for anything back it’s unconditional willingness but it’s also like “Are you even happy?” Internally. Which can be addressed later because it’s not about you, it’s about them. You can even want the best for someone more than they want it for themselves because you see the potential in them outside looking in not realizing all it is … is … potential. You’re living off hopes and dreams but you know dreams come so it’s all good.

How do you balance out two personas like that regarding a love life? How do you balance out the two personas when it comes to general living? Which one is worst?

Problems & Selfless – PND

Shihan- This type of love (Def Jam Poetry)

Value an opinion

Post 9

Now before I get started understand I’m willing to receive a lot of hate in order to defend what I’m fond of , respect me for it ! At least I’ll burn with integrity.

Opinion – o•pin•ion (noun) a view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
“I’m writing to voice my opinion on an issue of great importance.”

Let’s start off be clarifying that opinions are for conversations and facts are more essential in a debate. 

How are you supposed to broaden your horizons if you aren’t open minded? When I speak on open mindedness I’m not saying you have to accept everything you come across but it wouldn’t hurt to just try to understand willingly. I think that’s an important part of conversing with another individual, if you don’t understand that’s okay too many people are okay with giving clarification. I stress people should learn to agree to disagree! After a while an opinionated conversation can just go in circles followed by aggressive emotions because you feel like the other person doesn’t hear you when in actuality you guys aren’t listening to each other just searching for validation within the conversation while hearing voices.

What’s morally correct to me, due to how I was raised, may not be morally correct to another person. So who is more incorrect me or them? It’s so much you can learn from people if you were to just listen from all standpoints, if someone hurts you and you ask them to explain their actions (this is why the truth is so important) you hear THEIR logic behind what they did and why they did it. You as a person listening should take that perspective and apply it to life to assure you don’t commit the same “mistake”. It’s kind of like history in a sense, if you don’t acknowledge or go over it without a doubt it’ll repeat itself.

When I hear someone’s opinion even if I don’t necessarily agree with it, it’s still intriguing enough for me to further the conversation just because curiosity killed the cat. “If you knew better you would do better.” As valid as that statement is don’t use it if you think your way of thinking is the only logical way to come to a conclusion. Chances are you don’t know to much to be able to do any better than what you produce due to the fact your stuck in a, what we consider, oppressive state of mind.

What I’m trying to stress is, life is all about learning and as you grow older you’re supposed to become wiser. Theoretically you read books, keep going to school, or just learn from trial and error to keep knowledge flowing but what we forget about is how essential talking to people can be. Better yet! Think of it like this if you do something wouldn’t you want a person to hear you out right? Understand where you’re coming from without the harsh judgment or trying to correct your thinking process? Treat others the way you would like to be treated!

Friendly Rejection

As years progress You can tell which friendships grow on you in positive and negative aspects. 

When I say friendly rejection I’m not talking about being “Friend Zoned”. I’m referring to the attempts of building bonds with people and you guys just don’t relate or they might not see the coolness you see in yourself. 

1. Weird – Suggesting something is supernatural; Uncanny. 

• People use the term weird wrong all the time, just because someone doesn’t fit in with you appearance wise or morally doesn’t mean they’re “supernatural” just simply different that’s all. People see you dancing to the beat of your own drum and think you’re weird because you give off your own type of energy. I’ve been called weird all my life & I used to think it was so bad like “ew what the fuck, never” but I just realized it’s not bad at all I’m “Weird” and you’re “Regular” you are what we call predictable, I would be concerned if I was you, you have no Za Za Zu! I didn’t have that mindframe previously though so I spent like 2 years fixing myself appearance wise especially to fit in… to nothing ! I look back like WHAT THE FUCK was so important in copying people that didn’t even acknowledge the fact I tried to adapt to their way of living to be their friend, on top of the fact I have surpassed more than most of them in my life, anyways.

2. Annoying – causing irritation or annoyance. 

• I was always the annoying friend from multiple aspects which is kind of intriguing. I was either annoying because I was to “mothering” but I mean I can’t help it if I want the best for you, I consider you … my friend. Then I would be annoying in an obnoxious manner but I always considered that as a form of mild, unaccepted, admiration meaning I love you, I want to be around you, you are cool to me! I LIKED YOU! Eventually you learn to back off no matter how much you either want to intervene because you know the person can do better than they are producing or be in someone’s presence because they make you sincerely happy. 

3. Independent – Free from outside control; not depending on another’s authority. 

• When you are not easily influenced by others they stay away from you, and when you’re younger you wonder “what’s the problem? We can still be cool” but what you don’t realize is technically you’re no use to them if you aren’t  willing to be a test dummy, which is totally fine by me. “Stand up for whatever you believe in even if you’re standing alone.” & I put this to help justify the importance of you believing in yourself unapologetically, so make sure your well being mentally & physically are okay because you’re able to live at your own desired discretion. If someone can’t respect you as a person along with your mindframe you don’t need them in your life anyways. 

It took me a while to pay attention to this type of stuff because I had no choice but to enjoy the company of myself on many occasions, and with doing that it gives you time to simply self reflect and learn yourself. I appreciate the people who never cared to be my friend after a long struggle of me trying because it showed me to give everyone a chance UNLESS something that crosses the line happens then I can’t associate with you anymore, but that’s a given. It’s no telling how much someone wants you in their life and just because you don’t have too much in common I don’t think you should necessarily ignore them, hear them out have simple conversations… adapt a new way of thinking it’ll open your mind in a very positive way.